The Djinnification of Haruhi Suzumiya
by Incredibleintruder
Summary: To deal with the problem that is Haruhi Suzumiya, a coalition decides to transform the troublesome teenage girl into something easier to manage. Thankfully for them, a current fascination with "The Arabian Nights" might be the key to their success as Haruhi and the SOS Brigade gets caught in a very, very bizarre and unusual situation...
1. The Playfulness of Haruhi Suzumiya

**Chapter 1 :** **The disposition of Haruhi Suzumiya**

It seemed like it would be one of those days.

The SOS-Brigade, an acronym for something impossibly long and selective, that is "The Saving The World By Overloading It With Fun Haruhi Suzumiya Brigade", was enjoying a somewhat-rare moment of tranquility this Friday evening, with classes finished for the day and the prospect of the weekend opening before them. Kyon and Koizumi were playing a game of Othello, the white and black pieces marshalled upon the board in intricate patterns, yet neither able to get a definite advantage over the other. Mikuru was clad in her maid outfit, which was a regular occurrence at this point, making some tea while Yuki sat in the corner, reading the latest from a rather large collection of novels, ever happy to be silent and captivated by the stories unfolding in those pages. There weren't many moments like these in the SOS-Brigade, times of peace and quiet when chaos and absolute madness did not seem to reign. Then again, the usual culprit of those instances had yet to arrive, meaning that everyone was probably on the edge of their seat, due to in almost perfect balance of anticipation and dread. For his part, Kyon knew how messy and unpredictable things could get around here and he was hard-trained in going with the flow, so to speak. He placed his token on the board, making the most of this fleeting peace while it lasted...

"Everyone, stop what you're doing and listen up!"

...and there it went.

Ever-predictable in her impossible urges, Haruhi Suzumiya, the founder of the Brigade herself, appeared on the scene. Bursting into the clubroom with several boxes in hand, overflowing with what Kyon could only describe as "a ton of bizarre crap", she shoved the Othello board aside, taking precedence over anything else that could be happening currently. "I've got a plan, something shining, shimmering and splendid!"

A few glances were exchanged, different reactions overcoming people who already knew that they'd be dragged along with whatever insane plan their self-appointed Brigade Chief had concocted. They'd probably have fun, but being apprehensive and not always eager to go along with her schemes was almost routine at this point, a ritual that was part-and-parcel of being a friend of Haruhi. Mikuru, the most afraid, masked her dread by pretending to continue brewing tea, while Yuki lifted her eyes away from her book and Koizumi just smiled… as always. Only Kyon was quick-witted enough to actually check out the contents of one of the boxes. A cheap "golden" oil lamp, most likely a toy, a plastic scimitar, a few cushions… considering Haruhi's choice of words in introducing whatever scheme she had in mind, he managed to piece together just what she in store for them.

"So, I've discovered this pretty good book lately called ' _The Arabian Nights_ ' and..."

And there you have it, Kyon thought. Of course Haruhi would be into that kind of thing, she was always drawn to the interesting and odd, be it science-fiction or fantasy. She had founded the SOS-Brigade specifically to seek out and befriend time-travelers, aliens, psychics and what-not, unaware that she had actually succeeded, thanks to her own amazing yet-unpredictable power over reality itself.

"There's some pretty amazing stuff in here," Haruhi continued, waving a battered copy of the book. "Giant birds, voyages, genies, thieves, sword-fighting, dancers… all the works!" she said, enthusiastically slamming it down so that she could begin to unpack one of the boxes, assisted by Koizumi, cheerful as always. The book was quickly taken for inspection by Yuki, who retreated to her corner to read it, the artificial human's bibliophile personality driving her to investigate this current fixation of Haruhi's.

"The central character of Scheherazade is actually interesting. A storyteller who manages to create a thousand-and-one tales with no real endings to keep the interest of her captor," Koizumi pontificated, having already read the whole text apparently, ever prepared and knowledgeable. Kyon wondered if it was because the cheerful esper was just that well-read, or if his psychic connection to Haruhi had given him some forewarning. If so, then he could have shared...

"You're damn right she is. She's bad-ass!" Haruhi declared with an enthusiasm that was rather difficult not to be swayed by.

"So...uh...what exactly did you plan to do with...all of this?" Mikuru asked, bringing tea for everyone and trying to act nonchalant, an act that did not fool a single person in the room. Ever prone to being cast in the more humiliating or fanservicey roles in Haruhi's scenarios, it was rather natural for her to be worried, especially since Haruhi loved to tease the meek time-traveler.

"We're gonna put on a play. The whole _Arabian Nights_ , told on stage!" Haruhi loudly proclaimed, before opening up the last box to reveal multiple outfits, apparently scavenged from costume stores and thrift shops and thrown-together in a simulacrum of orientalist dreams. Producing a plastic headpiece she planted it imperiously on her head and struck a pose. "Do you see?"

Oh, Kyon could already see, see the disaster that would unfold as when she forced them all to act, sing, dance or some-such nonsense. Knowing Haruhi she'd probably mix myths up with movies like _Aladdin_ , and somewhere along the line an _actual_ flying carpet would get involved. Still, Kyon knew better than to try to convince Haruhi to change a plan once it was in her head, so damage-control would be his role in all of this, as always. "Okay, so who's gonna be playing who? How many characters exactly are there in this?"

"There's Sinbad and his crew… then Ali Baba, his wife, his slave Morgana and the forty thieves… Aladdin and the Princess Badroulbadour, the genie of the ring and the genie of the lamp… Jafar… Scheherazade… King Shahryar..." Koizumi began to enumerate, glancing towards the book that Yuki was holding, and Kyon began to see just what kind of enormous endeavour this would prove to be.

"B-but there are so many!" Mikuru exclaimed, more than worried now as Koizumi, counting on his fingers, continued to recite an index of tales and characters in the background. "We can't possibly play them all!"

" _The Tale of the Bull and the Ass_ , _the Tale of the Trader and the Jinni_ …" Kyon heard Yuki begin to murmur in the corner, as if the alien girl was committing the contents page to memory. " _The First Shaykh's Story_ , _The Second Shaykh's Story_ …"

"You have so little faith," Haruhi teased Mikuru, drawing a rather revealing belly dancer costume out of the box, dangling it before the 'maid's' eyes. "Trust in your Brigade Chief Mikuru, I'm sure you'd make a splendid Morgana… or even a pretty good Scheherazade."

Of course Mikuru would be acting as the fanservice of this whole show, and then Haruhi saw Kyon looking at the outfit in her hands and gave him a sly smile.

"I'm gonna be wearing one of these too, you know," she declared with a little wink and a mischievous wiggle of the hips. "It's going to be awesome."

It was going to be a catastrophe… But the idea did sound like fun, and much as Kyon could see where it could go wrong, seeing Haruhi and Mikuru dressed like harem dancers sounded oh-so-right and certainly worth all the trouble. He wasn't exactly a pervert, but it proved hard to resist the temptation to imagine the two beautiful girls in bedlah outfits.

Koizumi, ever the participant yes-man in anything that involved Haruhi, picked up a turban, a cheap-looking one with a bent feather on top, and placed it atop his head. "If Mikuru is Scheherazade, then who's gonna play the cruel king? The one who kill all those virgins?"

"Kyon of course!" Haruhi said without a single moment's hesitation. "With his sullen look and general outlook in life, he'd be perfect to play the role of a moody monarch."

Hurt by this general outlook on his personality, Kyon fidgeted around in the boxes, beginning to see how difficult this little project could prove to be. "Okay, so we just need time to prepare. When do you think we'll be putting on the play?"

"In a week," Haruhi responded, holding one of the bedlah outfits over her school uniform, clearly imagining how she'd look while wearing it. "Gotta strike the iron while it's hot, so I convinced the student council to let us use the auditorium next Saturday!"

"So we have a single week..."

" _Yup!"_

"To memorize a 1001 tales..."

" _Yup!"_

"And arrange costumes, build sets, rehearse and choreograph..."

" _Yup!"_

"Seven days… a week tomorrow."

"Yeah, that's what I put on the posters I produced for the play. I've plastered them all over the school."

This was going to be a nightmare; Kyon could already feel it as he looked at the others, hoping for a voice of reason beside his own, but no luck, what with Mikuru being anxious, Koizumi being as happy and cheerful as ever, and Yuki...

" _The City of Brass...Ali the Cairene and the Haunted House of Baghdad...The Tale of Attaf_..."

...was apparently still checking out the full list of the tales.

There was no way that this could work.


	2. The Question of Haruhi Suzumiya

**Chapter 2 :** **The question of Haruhi Suzumiya**

It did not sit well with anyone in the room.

Representatives from multiple organisations, species and other such collectives were gathered in a secret spot, a space whose reality had been modified so that none outside of this assembly would be aware of it. Rebels from the main factions, outside agitators, third parties, malcontents who wished to deviate from established goals and agreed-upon procedures - they were all here, dissatisfied with the current status quo. Sub-groups, splinter-groups, dissidents and strays, all gathered in the same place, at the same time. It had been agreed upon that this was to be done in secret, away from the eyes of the many and of those in power… or who pretended to be in power. That was the actual problem.

It did not sit well with anyone that the most powerful being in existence was basically _a teenage girl_.

"We're all on the same page here, that Haruhi Suzumiya is dangerous and needs to be stopped, yes?" a time-traveler suggested, voicing the obvious if only to get things properly started, now that they were all assembled in conclave. "Her whims and fancy are putting everyone in danger!"

"We've already had one near miss, where she nearly ripped apart reality… because she subconsciously thought that the destruction of the world would be interesting to see," a recusant of the esper Organisation announced to everyone. "Many among us aren't certain what did happen, but reports from Itsuki Koizumi indicate the world was almost destroyed, and would have been, if it wasn't for another party's intervention."

The name of that party did not need to be said. The young man who had been perhaps their greatest asset in furthering an understanding of Haruhi Suzumiya, and perhaps the greatest threat beyond the girl herself. The only one in her inner circle who answered to no power beyond his own conscience, the otherwise unremarkable person that Haruhi had personally chosen to stand at her right hand.

"Let's not even talk about the time-loop she created," another time-traveler said, participating in the spirit of this gathering: solving the problem that was Haruhi Suzumiya. "The same two weeks were rewound for thousands of years and the timeline nearly tore itself asunder under the load exerted when the loop collapsed."

"Her ability to create data, to assemble new objects and concepts from null-space is a unique anomaly, quite miraculous!" chirped a disturbingly cheerful envoy from the radical faction of the Data Overmind. "But poorly used, and triggered by her subconscious rather than actual voluntary acts. Observation confirms that she's the most innocent god-like being that we could envision; if she wasn't such a colossal threat to existence as we know it, she would almost be boring." The artificial humanoid, wearing a school uniform identical to that worn by Haruhi and her classmates, cocked her head and smiled, herself the very image of youthful innocence. "And the fact is, none of would be here, or so much as acknowledge the existence of one-another, even hidden from our own numbers, if we did not all think the very same thing."

"Yes, and the solution presented in the SOS-Brigade is proving to be more temporary than expected," one of the time-travelers added. "They were supposed to keep her in check, yet now they seem to be indulging her more than anything, which makes them as reckless and dangerous as Suzumiya herself."

"We could add to the list, we've all got our worries and warnings, but what we need here is a solution," said another Organisation turncoat, clapping their hands to get everyone's attention. "We wouldn't be risking this conclave if some of us did not have see either a threat or an opportunity, yes? What is Suzumiya working on right now that's shifted the balance?"

"A theatrical narrative inspired by an anthology of tales called _'The Arabian Nights'_. She placed crude declarations about the grounds of the education facility she frequents," explained another Humanoid Interface, producing one of the actual posters. On it was emblazoned the picture of a young woman dressed like a belly dancer, a shy expression on her face, together with multiple grandstanding remarks declaring the show to be the greatest event in the universe. "This is her current obsession."

There was a soft groan among the time-travellers, while the espers visibly paled. Almost all among their numbers were personally familiar with Haruhi's mental state and the effect it could have on the world…

"She decides to make a sci-fi movie, and then cats start talking, extinct species are resurrected and the Earth shifts in its orbit," a representative of one faction of time-travelers threw up his hands in petulant despair. "She doodles a logo for her silly little club and wakes up an eldritch abomination."

"Data entity…" one of the Human Interfaces clarified calmly.

"Whatever, either way we're all slaves to her _classified-information!_ " the human snapped, sneering at the alien construct. "But if those are the consequences from her everyday thrills and spills, what's going to happen when she starts obsessing over… magic and spells and genies?!"

"That's it!" One of the espers, apparently experiencing a stroke of genius, got up and looked at everyone with an expression of wondrous delight, having in their mind already saved the universe. "Is anyone here familiar with the book Miss Haruhi's been reading?"

"It is an anthology of multiple stories with fantastical elements, all centered around folk tales from Turkey, Persia, Saudi Arabia, India and other neighboring regions, all focusing around the context of a woman trying to-"

"Yes… yes… it was a rhetorical question. But look, _The Arabian Nights_ are what's fueling her mind right now and there is one concept within those stories that could prove to be the answer we need," the esper interrupted, turning to the previous speaker. "You said it yourself, Genies!"

"Genies," whispered a quiet, yet somehow burningly ominous voice. It was another Humanoid Interface, but this time a representative of the Sky Canopy Dominion, a reclusive equivalent to the Data Overmind, and a power none of the others were entirely sure was present at this meeting as a participant or passive observer. "Unfamiliar_define."

"Genies, singular Genie, derived from Djinni or Djinn," recited the cheerful Data Overmind representative, expression slipping slightly towards hostility as her eyes lit on her counterpart. "In human stories, they are servants of great power that are imprisoned within mundane objects, capable of great feats yet unable to do so without an order from those they would call master." She grinned with a smile that showed a few too many teeth to be called friendly. "Oh, to do that to Miss Suzumiya would just be wonderful!"

A moment of silence passed, some among this coalition of the willing showing a certain confusion, while others debated in murmured whispers among their numbers.

"So… you're saying we should turn Haruhi Suzumiya into a genie? Really?" a time-traveler said, rather overt in their doubt with the proposed plan.

"Actually… I think it's brilliant," another time-traveler said, realizing the true scope of this solution. "Her powers would still be intact, she'd still be the anchor to this universe, yet she'd be much more manageable; we wouldn't have to worry about petulant acts of whimsy, not if we can control her. She'd end up being subservient to those with the intent of protecting reality."

There was a momentary flicker of almost everyone's eyes. This was a temporary alliance at best, and each had their own desires regarding the future of Haruhi Suzumiya. To protect her, to study her, to preserve her or transfer her powers to another host - some among the more extremist time-travellers even wanted to _kill_ her. Like hunters and conservationists and scientists in conference over how to best capture a dangerous animal, all that united them was the unique threat the 'specimen' presented. Once successfully caged, this conclave would become a delicate power struggle, quite literally a struggle to possess the power of Haruhi Suzumiya.

But for now, there were of one mind. Chatter began to fill the room, debates and arguments on full display as this plan began to develop, opening up the possibility of solving a problem that plagued just about everyone. If this worked, then they would have to worry about Haruhi Suzumiya no longer and they all knew it.

"Query: attain-ment_of_objective?" the Sky Canopy Dominion's representative asked in her soft monotone, trying to gather more information on this scheme that felt so odd to her perspective, a perspective more distant from humanity than the already alien Data Overmind. "Chall_enge of change: obstacle towards induce_ment of metamorphosis."

"We just need to convince her… and to do that we must play with the most dangerous weapon in the universe," said the esper who had proposed the plan, looking at everyone as he paused for obvious dramatic effect.

"Her subconscious..."


	3. The In-Genie-Osity of Haruhi Suzumiya

**Chapter 3:** **The in-genie-osity of Haruhi Suzumiya**

"Why am I on the poster?" Mikuru complained, finally seeing the promotional image Haruhi had produced for the play, the rest of the group joining her in examining the poster. It was an edited image, obviously, of Mikuru wearing a rather revealing bedlah, light green in color and showing a rather ample amount of cleavage, with a low-cut skirt around her waist, tied with a golden sash that barely covered any more skin, and if anything only highlighted the swell of her hips. The base photo used was one where Mikuru was quite aware that she was prey to Haruhi's impulses, hence why she looked flustered, shy and _extremely_ moe on the image. It was, altogether, absolute genius in terms of making it so that people, or at least all the young men in the school, would want to see the play. "And why am I dressed like that?"

"To make sure people will come and see our play! Come on, your big boobies gotta have some purpose around here, you know?" Haruhi said with a perky little smile, one filled with such mischief that it was clear that she would not take any rebuttal to her initiative, especially now that the posters were already pretty much everywhere in the school… and in its surroundings too. "Your milkshake will bring all the boys to the yard~"

Kyon certainly could not deny that this would certainly interest a lot of people of the masculine persuasion - even he had to admit that his curiosity would be piqued on seeing this. It was certain that many people would come and see the play now, which raised the pressure severely. Sure, many would be distracted by what they'd call "those bedlah babes", but there would still need to be something of remotely passable quality here, no one would really stay for the whole thing if it was just Mikuru and Haruhi standing there while looking sexy.

"Okay, so we'll have to divide the roles here in an efficient way," Kyon began to say, taking charge of this fiasco so as to make sure it would not be nearly as catastrophic than it could end up being if Haruhi took full hold of the reins - he still remembered the disaster that was _The Adventures of Mikuru Asahina Episode 00_. With Haruhi, one never knew what you were getting, yet it was better to plan and try than to crash and burn nonchalantly. "So I'm the king and Mikuru is Scheherazade and Morgana, right? What are you going to play, Haruhi?"

"The genies, of course! Powerful beings like these are right up my alley!" she replied with energy, showing of course an enthusiasm for anything weird and fantastical. "I saw those _Wishmaster_ movies, how that genie turned masters' wishes against them and I am so into that!"

That was 100% Haruhi right there, not to play by the rules and thus demand people, places or the laws of nature adapt to accommodate her perception of things. Koizumi, not seeing the train crash coming right at them, or expertly ignoring it, tried to help put things in perspective, still wearing his big turban as if it was nothing.

"Okay...So how should we play the tale of Aladdin, then? In this, there are two genies, one of the ring and one of the lamp. The ring genie is weaker and is the one true ally of Aladdin as he struggles to save Princess Badroulbadour from a sorcerer who stole the magic lamp. How should we play this, then?"

"Oh, I know!" Haruhi said, taking charge right here and then with her answer. "The ring genie is pissed that she's been neglected, and makes it so Aladdin is _her_ servant instead. Then she saves the kingdom by tricking the sorcerer _and_ she gets the girl too! How does that sound?"

"That is not how the story goes," mumbled Yuki as she read on in her corner, part of the group yet secluded by her own design. Yet at some point she too had donned something from Haruhi's boxes, a headpiece that criss-crossed her forehead with plastic coins and jewels.. As if sensing their attention she looked up, and expression not shifting in the slightest said, "I shall play the genie of the ring."

"Sure, okay then Yuki," Haruhi said, eagerly endorsing this casting choice as if it had been her own idea. "You're going to be perfect, you're the perfect size for a ring-genie, and mysterious too!"

Kyon considered himself a pretty good reader of Yuki's face, and in the little nod she gave Haruhi he thought he saw a hint of satisfaction. Then her attention returned to _The Arabian Nights_ as she flipped page after page, the book apparently fascinating her. Seeing her sporting the tacky headpiece like a middle-eastern riff on her treasured fortune-telling outfit, Kyon could not help but smile at the little show of camaraderie and individuality.

"Okay, Yuki's the genie of the ring, and I'll be her boss and chief, the all-powerful genie of the lamp!"

If only Haruhi could be so cooperative. Kyon had not read the tale of _Aladdin_ , but of course it wasn't meant to go like this. Haruhi was making herself the centerpiece and fudging the story, and while it could certainly prove to be entertaining, he could already see the chaos that might come of Haruhi thinking, even _pretending_ that she was a genie, granting wishes and all that.

"Maybe you ought to play Scheherazade instead? I mean, she is the smart one, the focus of the story and I think it would suit you better," he suggested, trying to mitigate any damages from Haruhi getting in-character as a cosmically-powerful entity.

"Hmmm...I'll consider it," Haruhi said, uncharacteristically agreeing with Kyon, as if she was actually interested in playing the role of the woman subjugated to the desires and whims of his petty king. "Okay, now everyone go get a copy of the book and read...read...read! We've gotta start practice tomorrow, first thing in the morning at Kyon's house! This is gonna be great!"

And with that Haruhi was gone, leaving them all in the ungodly predicament of having to read a massive book in one night, in order to diminish the disaster that was soon to come.

There needed to be more promotion, more interest in this.

People could be so boring, so predictable, Haruhi thought as she plastered another poster on a lamp post near the train station. A dancing girl, promises of exotic thrills, of oriental dreams and all that, what more could they possibly want? The house had better be packed when the curtain lifted - this was going to be the best play in the universe, the most amazing thing that anyone could imagine. With her friends by her side, there was no way, just no way that this wouldn't work. However, they did need more costumes and more props, so on the way home she was shopping for more. She required costumes to make sure perverts would be pleased with Mikuru's appearance, clothes to make Kyon look kingly, whatever _that_ was, something better suiting Koizumi and perhaps she could try to make Yuki look sexy as the genie of the ring? It occurred to her that with the bibliophile's reputation, maybe Yuki would be better-suited to play Scheherazade, yet dropped that thought quickly in favour of developing Mikuru's confidence by shoving her into centre-stage - the fragile little thing needed to grow a pair already, not counting the two enormous funbags she already had riding shotgun on her chest!

And as for Kyon's idea that she herself play Scheherazade, well, that was just stupid, wasn't it? Even if Scheherazade was the main character and a clever storyteller, what else did she actually do? Charm the heart of some king, a king played by Kyon, and become his Queen? She didn't want that...

Still pondering this she entered one of her favourite thrift stores, one that always seemed to have something fun in stock, picking up random things that she was certain she'd be able to make something out of with enough motivation...or at least Mikuru would with her sewing skills. Money was no object when a project was on the line and, curiously enough, she always had just enough pocket change and bills to cover her expenses, a luckiness that Haruhi could only see as destiny pushing her forward to greatness.

As she searched around, she overheard two other customers talking while browsing through the shirts, their conversation being of no interest to her until she heard them mention " _The Arabian Nights"._ Curious she leaned around a corner to get a better look.

"So there's some pretty good stories in this, and apparently someone's putting up a play of the whole thing. I hope it'll be good," a sharp-featured young man said while looking at what Haruhi assumed was his girlfriend, a pallid girl dressed in the formal uniform of the Kouyouen girls school. "I mean, there's some weird stuff out there in those tales."

"Like genies? Yes, I know. I myself find them fascinating," the Kouyouen girl said, with a strange almost-rehearsed formality, looking at the blouse he was holding up, inspecting it carefully. "Plenty of power, plenty of responsibilities toward one person. But to be certain of what you have to do, to have the potential to do it all… it must be... nice."

"Yeah, no school, no boring stuff… just the thrill of serving someone with the power of the cosmos at your fingertip," Sharp-face replied, putting the shirt down as he looked at pants instead.

Haruhi thought they were a weird couple, but the second their conversation turned to the benefits of geniedom her attention locked onto their words, and not their behaviour. She couldn't really agree completely, already wishing to contradict them both, yet her play was more important than their mundane conversation. Still, they weren't entirely wrong - to have so much power and to understand the cosmos and the order of things would be infinitely cool. But who wanted to be stuck as somebody's slave? Not her, no, if Haruhi Suzumiya was to be a genie, she'd be a bad-ass one instead of those servants in the old tales. She continued shopping, adding stuff that looked like old cosplay material and Halloween costumes to her growing pile, along with gaudy accessories that were supposed to be jewelry yet came off as cheap plastic. But anything would work with enough energy and willpower, she thought as she got into line to pay for all of this.

"Wouldn't you like to have a genie as a servant, though?" a boy in the line said to another, carrying a few pair of pants. "I mean, it must be nice to have one, right?"

"Sure. If I had a genie, I would cherish it and make sure it would be loved while granting my wishes," another boy replied, waiting beside his friend while carrying nothing, just tagging along. "Who doesn't love genies, right?"

"Whoever's putting on that play at North High sure seems to love them."

Well yes, she did, Haruhi admitted. And it definitely seemed that people were talking about her play, which pleased her to no end. Haruhi paid right after them and while walking towards the train station began to think of what kind of genie she would end up being if she ever was to become one. She'd be like a justice genie, one who would grant the wishes of the good and trick the wicked, turning their desires against them. They would say "make me breakfast" and she'd turn them into eggs and bacon, a thought which left her smirking in wicked delight. Yeah, she'd make for a badass genie.

A part of her thoughts though turned to something else she'd heard discussed in the store: being adored. Of course people would always be grateful to genies who would faithfully grant their wishes. She'd already developed an idea of a beautiful woman with divine powers, swiftly bestowing blessings to mortals and being cherished for it, and she could picture being like this herself. To make an actual big difference with her amazing presence, like things were supposed to be.

Boarding the train she spotted some students carrying one of her posters, talking about the play, about genies and dancers. How beautiful they could look, how amazing they could be, how they'd want to have one nearby them, and love to see one in reality. They talked about their wishes and their desires, projecting fiction into reality. Haruhi did not know these people, but that hardly bothered her because most people bored her anyway. All this talk however fuelled those genie fantasies that had begun growing when she first read that precious book. She could imagine being released from a lamp, with a mortal before her trembling in awe of her amazing beauty and terrible power, bowing down in respect as she magnanimously granted their wishes, changing the world and their lives with a snap of her fingers.

It was, altogether, a pretty pleasant fantasy to indulge in when she got back home. The house was empty, her parents out. Putting all the clothes and costumes in a box that she would carry back to school tomorrow, she then returned to her room to read passages she had copied from _The Arabian Nights_ , moments that she enjoyed most, like when Morgana tricks the forty thieves again and again, or Aladdin's discovery of the magic oil lamp. Caught in her imagination, she was too busy and too distracted to hear someone approaching her, an intruder in her own home who then began to assail her mind, her own thoughts.

 _Genies are amazing._

And it was true. Genies were sublime beings and it was really something that she thought she could live up to for the play. It fitted her perfectly, as far as she was concerned.

 _You want to be a genie._

Oh yes she did. Screw Scheherazade, there was no way that she'd pass up an opportunity to be a genie, not after everything she had heard tonight! She had some precise thoughts about this and could not dislodge them from her mind.

 _You need to become a genie._

The world would be so much more interesting if she was one! She could right wrongs, please everyone and be an immortal doer of good! It would be amazing!

 _You_ _ **are**_ _a genie._

Yes. If she was to play one, she needed to think of herself as one instead of pretending. It made much more sense that way, after all. She'd need to be convincing and the better way to do so was to convince herself first and foremost.

Unbeknownst to Haruhi, her train of thought stopped right there, mind still and eyes glazing over, her body slowly dissolving into smoke that was then drawn toward an object, one held by the mysterious stranger that had invaded her room. Gone from the world, Haruhi was now stuck inside a golden lamp, a mystical-looking one. Her wish to save the world would actually be granted...

And she'd save the world by becoming a genie.


	4. The Transformation of Haruhi Suzumiya

**Chapter 4:** **The Transformation of Haruhi Suzumiya**

Where was she?

It was dark, cold, lonely...She didn't like it. Not at all. Where were the others? Yuki, Koizumi, Mikuru, Kyon… the SOS Brigade were nowhere to be found. She wanted to speak, yet no words came, or perhaps she just couldn't hear herself speak. Maybe it was dark because she had been blinded? Had she been captured by some unknown enemy, like sometimes happened in her dreams, destined to fight back against evil and mysterious forces? That, or she was asleep. Her own thoughts just couldn't sit still, not with all the scenarios in the world converging upon her mind, lending no credence to one over the other, thanks to the hyperactivity of her own imagination. In truth, she was beginning to feel a little scared.

 _Everything is fine._

But yeah, everything would be fine. This was just a little setback, a minor inconvenience at best. She'd wake up, right? It was just some kind of dream, a little hallucination of hers that was getting out of hand. She had seen it happen in movies and on TV, so why shouldn't it happen to her? It could even be fun to try to piece things together. However, she had other duties to attend to, notably the best play in the universe that had to be prepared.

 _You are a genie._

That was exactly to be her role, yes. Powerful, mystical, sexy all at once, a being of desire that also granted the desires of others. She could already picture people in awe of her while playing the part, dressed beautifully, stealing the spotlight and all that. It would be great!

 _You are a genie._

But to play the part was to understand it, to perfect it. She had her own vision of the thing, but it had to be based on something. Genies were, by most accounts, slaves. Even the bad ones like in _Wishmaster_ had the obligation to obey their master, just like the one in _Aladdin_ or _I Dream of Jeannie_. Subservience, even as a trick, was key to the concept. She went on to move her hand to try to grasp at something, anything, but something was wrong. She couldn't feel her fingers...nor her hand...or even her arm. Wasn't she supposed to have those?

 _Everything is fine._

Things would be okay, though, because if she was a genie, that meant that she needed to think as if she truly were a being of smokeless fire. Which was weird because most tales and depictions always puffed out plenty of smoke when genies appeared. Still, that meant that in this dream, or illusion, or delusion, she was to be _just_ like a genie. That meant that perhaps she could shape herself and the surroundings. That must be why it was so dark and cold.

 _You are a genie._

Damn right she was! With that thought firmly entrenched, she began to ponder upon how this truth could be translated to this weird place and thought of a room, a place in which a genie would feel at home. Which probably meant a bottle or a lamp… maybe a ring though? Maybe that's what this was: the inside of an object! That would make sense in this context. But why would a genie actually live like this when they had so much power? Couldn't they just make themselves comfortable?

 _You are a genie._

Indeed and it was high time that she acted like one, lived like one. She thought of a space, how to conjure it to serve here needs, and there it was: light. Red silken drape, flimsy in their thickness so as to allow light in through unseen windows, surrounded a circular room filled to the brim with pillowy cushions, each inlaid with intricate red, gold and purple patterns, little tassels trimming their extremities. Something comfy and definitely fitting her own luxurious vision of what a genie would like.

 _Everything is fine._

Now that there was light and warmth, things were indeed much better now. However, she looked upon herself and saw that she had no form as of yet. She was shapeless, weightless and that did not sit well with her. She couldn't be a good servant of this lamp/bottle/whatever if she didn't look the part too!

 _You are a genie._

Yes, and it was high time that she had the appearance of one too. Converging something toward herself, she took basic shape and began to think of all those genies she had seen in other mediums. Games, anime, movies and so forth, all of that combined together, along with two or three personal desires, and coalesced into purple flaming energy, a pyre in this little room that she had imagined into existence.

 _You are a genie._

That was the one thought that brought everything together as she shaped the flames pouring through her. First her body came back, her own form that she appreciated so much. Her precious face and head, with a serene calm in her eyes that was somewhat confounded by a smirk on her lips, followed by her beautiful brown hair...though she knew that genies looked better with long hair...in a ponytail. Yeah, the ponytail would be a very, very nice touch.

 _Everything is fine._

She went on to recreate the rest of her body from her neck to her legs, or lack of legs, as she had always appreciated the smoke tail sported by genies in art and on TV. Violet silken pantaloons wrapped around her thighs, dissolving and converging just above where her knees should be, forming the shape of her smokey new appendage. An extra layer of purple silk formed over her crotch, creating the simulacrum of clothes and modesty as she called a golden sash out of thin air, floating down to wrap itself low around her waist.

 _You are a genie._

More was needed, though, and now a skin-tight top enveloped itself around her chest, purple again being the color of choice here, supporting and uplifting her breasts, cut low to revealing a daring among of cleavage. She had to look tantalizing if she was to be the way she envisioned a good genie, an entity of pure temptation in many ways.

 _You are a genie._

Slowly her form began to shift, small waves rippling across her flesh. She had already possessed the physique of an athlete, but now her stomach gained just a little more definition, traces of fat washing away and muscles tightening, firming, all the better so she could perform and amaze, a perfect being, an avatar of sensual dance and desire. Subtly her breasts and hips swelled out, pushing gently against her new garments, even as her waist drew in and her buttocks firmed and roundened. Not radical changes, because she had never been in doubt of her beauty, but a loving polish, the final brushstrokes to complete a masterpiece.

 _You are a genie._

Silken sleeves adorned her arms, hugging and enhancing their toned contours, extending just a little further than her elbows, splitting to curve her lower forearms. In the other direction the sleeves climbed towards her shoulders, stretching across her upper back to form a minimalist, skintight, vest, one that by her own choice enhanced and accentuated her cleavage, permitting it to stay relevant and easily seen. She continued by adding a see-through facial veil, cut from the same transparent violet cloth as her leggings, as golden trim adorned her sleeves and her top, not cloth-of-gold but actual precious metal drawn out into threads. She needed no makeup for a finishing touche, for her complexion had gained a healthy, natura beauty, and the final enhancement was a golden collar that fastened securely about her neck, paired with golden bracelets around her wrists, signs of her function and form, a great power harnessed for a purpose.

 _Everything is fine._

But she knew she looked more than fine. She was splendid, a true genie, and smirking behind her veil she felt powerful and sexy, like a true wish-granting force, and felt at home in her new environment.

 _You are a genie._

She truly was, which meant that she could feel the power within her… and something else. A certain... attunement to something else that at first seemed bizarre, yet oh-so familiar all at once. The more she thought about it, the more she could feel something incredibly large, impossibly big, both surrounding her and a part of her.

 _You are a genie._

It was the universe. She was in communion with it, as if it spoke through her and she communicated through it. Feedback on a cosmic loop… which came with a certain comprehension. There was something to be understood here… knowledge to be found. But besides that distraction which pulled at her and demanded her attention, she knew simply of two things, two anchors to her particularly strange, yet utterly natural situation.

She was a genie and everything was fine.

The esper looked at the lamp and couldn't help but feel as if this was becoming all-too bizarre. Himself and three other espers, two from the Organisation, the third unaligned, acting on his plan, were whispering to this simple object, repeating the same things over and over again, two simple half-truths that would cement this new status quo.

 _You are a genie. Everything is fine._

They had studied the art of suggestions, of hypnosis, and it was perhaps the only weapon they had against Haruhi Suzumiya. The most potent force in this world was her own self, her own subconscious, so they had to make it work against her somehow. With that creepily-cheerful representative of the Data Overmind present to supervise the changes and the even-more disquieting girl from the Dominion documenting what was happening, they were suddenly joined on the scene by the foremost among the rebel time-travelers, just in time to witness the lamp release a burst of energy as it changed shape, cheap plastic becoming solid gold, the object's rarity and worth further enhanced by the addition of jewel, gems and intricate designs to its original, rather plain design.

"Seems like Suzumiya's really getting into the spirit of things," the smirking, sharp-faced time-traveller said, freshly returned from a jaunt into the past. "If she's in that lamp, that meant I played my part right in the store, yeah?"

"Oh yes!" giggled the Overmind interface, clapping her hands together in joy. It was strange to the esper how this unit had been coded with a functioning surface-personality, whereas the one within the SOS brigade was asocial and awkward. "Miss Suzumiya is executing her reformatting in the best way imaginable, and the energy spikes seem to be contained within the closed data-space of the lamp."

"If Ident:Overmind_unit's observations are accurate," observed the Dominion representative, monitoring and recording. "Likelihood of Ident:Data-Overmind detecting apotheosis in-utero: two to the power of 276,709 to one against." Unlike the impatient time-traveller, she had come back from the thrift store the long-way round, content to observe the entity identified as Suzumiya, Haruhi at close proximity whilst following her home. The fact that such behaviour classified as 'stalking', would have been of little comprehension to the Human Interface.

"Indeed!" The Overmind interface might have bridled at what could be taken as a dig at her observational skills, but she seemed to lack the ability to be anything less than chirpy. "And by the time the other aspects of the Data Overmind grow aware of what has happened to Miss Suzumiya, it will be too late, and they'll have to accept the actions of the Radical party, So much is going to change that I feel quite giddy!"

"Our friends still embedded in the Organisation also say nothing has set off any alarms on their end," the esper shared. "They can't keep in immediate contact lest their superiors get suspicious, but so far it's been very promising."

But despite those words and the positive signs he still felt on edge, half-expecting things to go south soon considering what he knew of Haruhi Suzumiya. "Some more conditioning and she'll absolutely believe that she's a genie, that she always has been and always will be, and that she serves the will of her masters and mistresses..." he left the words "whomever they may be" unspoken, but their presence could still be felt, a silent coda each party mentally addended to his statement.

"Great," said the time-traveler, for once genuine relief and thanks making itself shown on a face all-too accustomed to sneers and sarcastic smirks. "And then we'll finally be rid of her. Rid of her and free of her."

Still observed, the lamp pulsed with energy again, as if the cosmos itself was being attracted to it. Those reactions alone fueled more and more theories among them as to the nature of Haruhi Suzumiya, as to her power and her role in the universe, yet in-depth discussion could wait for later, here and now the brainwashing still needed reinforcement.

They simply could not fudge things, not so close to victory.

Failure was not an option.


	5. The Absence of Haruhi Suzumiya

**Chapter 5:** **The absence of Haruhi Suzumiya**

She was late.

Not fashionably late. Not dramatic-tension-rising late. Just plain not-on-time late. When you had someone like Haruhi in your life you came to know the difference between all three and it was obvious to Kyon that Haruhi wasn't on time, and for reasons that he couldn't fathom. What could make her late for one of her own passion projects? What could have happened to keep the troublesome girl from showing up? Perhaps it was nothing, but Kyon couldn't help but feel apprehensive - he had a hunch that things were wrong, spectacularly so.

"Did anyone try to call her in the last few minutes?" he asked, pacing his bedroom, trying not to sound too much of a pessimist, at least not so early in the morning.

"I tried but..." Mikuru replied, checking her phone with a worried expression on her face. "Miss Suzumiya isn't picking up. I've text messaged her too, but… well..."

"It's really not like her to make us wait without at least making a show of it. Normally she'd have teased us with something by now, like a photo or a vague text from her phone," Koizumi added, and Kyon looked his way.

"You're definitely not picking up anything from Haruhi, none of the usual signs of her powers at work?"

"No," the esper shook his head, hand held to his mouth in contemplation. "She appears to have generated a pocket of Closed Space, but I can't get a fix on its location. And this isn't like Miss Haruhi's normal behaviour - her Closed Spaces normally only manifest when she's agitated, but wherever she is right now, all I can perceive of her mind is that she's calm…"

His words trailed off, having pretty much said what Kyon was thinking deep down, that there was something eerie going on, something unnatural, more so than usual day-to-day life with Haruhi.

Even Yuki seemed on-edge, sitting in terse silence in the corner, " _The Arabian Nights"_ open in her lap but her hands resting on the pages. The alien-girl's head was turned slightly towards the window, as if in hope of seeing Haruhi approaching the house at any moment. Kyon wished dearly that he could be as apparently-collected, yet to no avail. He basically **knew** at this point that Haruhi was not safe, that they had to start searching for her immediately. Deciding to trust in gut instinct he moved to stand in front of the group, so that everyone would see him.

"Okay, we can all tell that there's something afoot here, so we're going to have to check things out and investigate. Haruhi might be in danger and that means trouble," he explained, knowing that in situations like these, the others tended to defer to his leadership.

"Well, you're the expert here Kyon. I'll trust your gut on that one," Koizumi said, getting up and followed by Mikuru moments later. Pausing only to mark her page before giving the situation her full attention, Yuki rose and joined them. "Where should we check?"

"Someone here ought to check her house and usual route to school, someone else the school grounds," Kyon decided. Koizumi might be the one with the psychic link to Haruhi, but the esper's powers usually seemed to play second-fiddle to his own unspoken connection to the girl. And right now, he was fully aware that they had to save her. It was uncanny, but the invading sentiment of dread would not quit him - was he starting to get paranoid? Perhaps all the excesses and chaos of life in the presence of Haruhi Suzumiya had finally brought about on a long-expected mental breakdown? He had no answer to those queries, all he knew was that they had to find her… and fast.

"Mikuru, go round the houses of anyone we know and ask if they've seen Haruhi - Tsuruya, Kunikida, Taniguchi, everybody. Koizumi, get to the school, search the campus, grounds and clubroom. Yuki, you're the fastest of us - backtrack along Haruhi's usual route between her home and here - see what you can find at her house, then follow whatever commute she takes to the school - I'll check her usual hangouts and meet you all there."

They responded to his orders without a word of complaint, even timid Mikuru mustering a determined expression. As he pulled on his own shoes and socks Kyon tried to think of anything he'd missed - he didn't doubt in Yuki's abilities, or that Koizumi couldn't get them out-of-hours access to the school. Even if the buildings were shut for the weekend the number of strings the Brigade's resident esper could pull through the Organisation were enough to make conspiracy theorists everywhere foam at the mouth.

"Sis!" he called, and like a jack-in-the-box his little sister popped out of her bedroom, carrying in her arms Shamisen, the formerly-stray cat that one of Haruhi's unwitting miracles had once granted human speech and the mind of a philosopher. He had since been assured by Yuki that the calico was now a completely normal feline, but Kyon retained his doubts about 'Shami', and right now was paying close attention to the cat.

"Yes Kyon?" Sis' chirped, concern evident in those oh-so-wide eyes, no-doubt aware from his attitude that something was wrong. Although she was not in on the big secret, the SOS Brigade had effectively adopted her as a junior member and mascot, and she got on particularly well with the girls. "What's wrong?"

"Haruhi's missing," he said, dropping any kind of sibling bickering and kneeling, not just to look her in the eye but to tie his shoes. "We're going looking for her. Keep the door locked and the phone with you, and if she or anyone strange comes to the house, call me straight away, okay?"

"Sure!" she nodded seriously, and as Kyon rose to his feet he saw one of Shamisen's eyes close in what might have been a wink.

He searched everywhere across their usual haunts in the city, stopping at the little spots where Haruhi had in the past graffitied a wall with the SOS Brigade logo or unwittingly caused some shenanigans, from the shopping mall where they had filmed parts of her beloved fantasy 'masterpiece' to her favourite cafes and snack-shops. By that point he was winded, sore and aware he was clutching at straws - it wasn't like Haruhi would go out of her way to buy them all food on the way over, unless whatever caught her eye was strange or a weird experience for everyone to go through, like the time she bought a whole case of chicken, tabasco and chocolate breads, which so far as culinary "delights" went were absolutely terrible.

Despite the aches and exhaustion he kept on going, checking his phone constantly. What messages did arrive were not encouraging. Mikuru had visited Tsuruya, like his sister another of the Brigade's unofficial auxiliaries, who had not seen Haruhi but did confirm that something had her father on edge. Given that Koizumi had in the past claimed several murky links connected the Organisation with Tsuruya's family, Kyon did not find that encouraging. Koizumi himself had then texted the news that an unaffiliated esper and enemy-turned-friend had just messaged him to report that she had declined an invitation to a "big meet" scheduled for yesterday, one relating to "the question of Haruhi Suzumiya". Spurred by this, Kyon had in turned called an old close friend of his own, someone with powers not dissimilar to Haruhi. The girl's mother had answered the phone with the news that her daughter had come down with a fever in the night and was bedridden, a development that left him even more concerned that something was severely out of balance, and that if the SOS Brigade didn't find Haruhi, soon going to get a lot worse.

All he could think about was that he needed to find Haruhi, laced with the fear that her madcap energy, her anachronistic tendencies, her wild imagination and her impulsive projects might vanish from the world… and perhaps the world vanish with her. There were too many unknowns at play to take any chances when it came to Haruhi, and, to be honest, he'd never forgive himself if any harm should befall her. Not so long ago he promised Yuki that the SOS Brigade would flip the universe on its side if one of their own was in danger, and now that the wildcard wildcat who had brought them together was possibly herself in danger, he had to live up to that promise.

But his search turned up nothing, and eventually Kyon found himself sprinting up the steep hill to North High, discovering that Koizumi, joined by Mikuru, had searched the whole school, coming up short and openly worried themselves. No classroom, no bathroom and no corner had been left out, giving way to a quiet desperation that manifested in the first words Koizumi spoke as he arrived and joined them in the school auditorium. "Maybe she just overslept?"

"Y-yes, maybe she got too excited, with the costumes and the play and everything, that she went to bed late and missed the meet-up time?" Mikuru timidly added, whistling in the dark and herself looking much more worried than both Kyon and Koizumi combined. "Maybe Ms. Nagato's found her already."

"I did not," declared Yuki as her very name was spoken, arriving as fast as she could, which was admittedly at a much faster pace than any standard human, and unsurprising considering her extraterrestrial origins. Not exhausted in the slightest even after all this effort, she gave a direct and clinical report of her findings, which did not alleviate any fears whatsoever.

"Haruhi Suzumiya was not at home," she admitted, pausing for half a second before continuing. "Analysis indicates that persons unknown entered her domicile and then left, evidenced by shoe marks and molecule disposition in the vicinity of her room. She has most likely been abducted."

"By who? Those anti-time-travel people? The Sky Canopy Dominion? Someone unknown?" Kyon began to theorize openly, more to give an opportunity for anyone to correct him and give way to a possible answer or path than to vent his frustrations. Nothing came, though.

"Persons unknown," repeated Yuki, her own worry not as apparent as the others in the SOS Brigade, though Kyon felt that she too was stressed out, just as much in a state of panic as the rest of them. "Conference with other Humanoid Interfaces active in this vicinity indicate that Haruhi Suzumiya visited a number of thrift shores to purchase clothing yesterday, before returning home. Apart from that, nothing of relevance has been observed."

Kyon bit back a curse, a part of him hoping that the ever-capable Yuki Nagato would be the one to present a solution. And looking at her, he wondered if she too was feeling frustration, or disappointment.

"Could you perhaps reach out through the Data Overmind to check out if there were any suspicious activity near Haruhi's place last night, some manipulation of reality?" he asked, flailing for a lifeline and grabbing hold of a thread of thought. The entity that created Yuki perceived all existence as data, and had an almost obsessive interest in cataloging Haruhi and life on Planet Earth, believing them to be the key to its own evolution. If there was any insight to be gained, it could be through the Overmind.

"Do you think they'll give Miss Nagato access though?" Mikuru asked, fidgeting around as she looked first at Yuki then back at Kyon. "You did threaten their existence over her safety..."

"For Haruhi's sake, I'm pretty sure they'll set all of this aside. If we tell them that-"

"Access granted…" Yuki announced calmly, opening her eyes and gazing off into some unseen horizon, lost in the connection that made all the world's data available to her. It seemed that Kyon had a fairly good bead on the mindset of the creators, as well as the creation. "Commencing search."

She raised her hand as if to touch an invisible wall, and space around her fingertips seemed to flicker, to distort. Then her mouth opened and spewed forth a blurred garble of sound that might have been code, or an old dial-up modem. Almost instantly she stopped, retracted her hand an inch, and looked back to her peers.

"This is… odd," she said, and that uncharacteristic hitch in her soft voice was to the others like the crack of a whip. "The logs for Haruhi Suzumiya's residence show no activity since she left for school at 08:07 yesterday."

"I don't understand, how is that odd?" Mikuru asked, but it was Koizumi who answered.

"Because Ms. Suzumiya returned home safe last night before she disappeared, and wherever she goes there's always some activity on a background level - her powers never switch off," he tapped his head and issued one of his smiles, though this time it was cheerless. "Believe me on this."

"Correct," Yuki confirmed. "The logs show only minimal deviations in data-space for the whole of yesterday evening, as if Haruhi Suzumiya never returned home. I conclude that the records have been altered, and that the database has been tampered with.."

"Someone's trying to cover their tracks," Kyon said, and realised with a stroke of horror that an alteration of the Data Overmind records could only have come from within the alien consciousness itself. Chills ran down his back as he remembered a smiling blue-haired girl with a knife, sent by the collective's radical party to kill him and so prompt a reaction from Haruhi. "Some faction of the Overmind took Haruhi?"

Yuki essayed a curt nod, and very slightly averted her eyes, as if ashamed to be associated with those apparently responsible for this abduction.

"It's not your fault Yuki," he said. "And if anyone can help us solve this, its you."

"Yes, can you track them?" Koizumi asked, getting closer, as if proximity to Yuki and Kyon would pool their initiative and produce to a different result. "Do they have anything like an IP address or..."

"No, but I can track data signatures, even if altered. They are good..." Yuki said, taking a dramatic pause before her expression changed ever-so slightly, her eyebrows moving a millimeter down. "But I'm better."

She pushed her hand forward again, and once again the space around her fingertips began to streak. Even standing there motionlessly, Mikuru, Kyon and Koizumi could tell that there was a fierce battle going on in a place that they could not see nor hear. Yuki was battling for the whole planet, the whole universe maybe, but they were all doing this for Haruhi. For her sake alone, they had to succeed.

"Done. They went through proxies, fake names, actual blocks and meta firewalls, but I succeeded. I only have-" Yuki said before a little shock threw her back on the ground, apparently disconnecting her from whatever cosmic database she had accessed.

"Ms. Nagato!" Mikuru yelled, while Kyon and Itsuki jumped to help the disabled alien construct. "Are you alright?"

"The damage is extensive, but not critical. Apparently, they were closer to my level than expected," Yuki blinked up at the two boys as they propped her up, seemingly untouched, but visibly unable to move her legs. From what Kyon knew of her though, she was very durable, and likely to be back on her feet before long. Then Yuki surprised him by murmuring, "I have lost their trail… I am sorry.."

"Can you get it back?" Mikuru asked, crouching between Koizumi and Kyon, all of them invading Yuki's personal bubble at this point.

"No. They will have placed further countermeasures into effect. I could try, but I cannot guarantee any success," Yuki said, sounding vaguely apologetic.

"Did you get any info, though?" Kyon asked, finding himself quite useless now as the more this went on, the more it seemed that his suspicions were confirmed. "Couldn't the Data Overmind help with this?"

"I did send them my findings, but now they're locking me out of the loop," Yuki explained. "I can only conclude that consensus has shifted to accept whatever action the Radical faction has effected."

Her hand was resting on Kyon' sleeve, and he felt it grip hold of him gently. She was afraid, Kyon realised. He had protected her from her own creators by threatening to turn Haruhi loose on them. Now that Haruhi was apparently out of the picture…"

"It'll be okay," he laid his own hand over Yuki's, doing his best to comfort her. "We'll find a way through this."

But he didn't know how, and for a terrible moment thought that not only had Haruhi vanished from their lives, but in a just a few seconds Yuki would be gone too.

"There was something else," Yuki managed, and with a visible effort managed to sit up of her own accord. "Approximately two hours before Miss Suzumiya returned home, a number of Human Interfaces in this vicinity requested data-package updates on the same topics."

"What were they?"

Yuki motioned for her bag, and Mikuru grabbed it for her. From inside Yuki produced the book that Haruhi had begun waving around when she announced their latest project.

"The literary anthology " _The Arabian Nights"_ , and the human terms 'djinn', 'genie' and 'lamp."

Mikuru was confused, but Koizumi and Kyon looked at each other and knew exactly what was going on. "They want to transform her-"

"Into a genie," concluded Kyon, and in his mind everything pieced together.

"Ms Suzumiya has the right mindset to be a genie, and she certainly has the power to make this change," said Koizumi, clearly thinking much the same. Then the esper's smile vanished from his face, a rare sight for anyone in his vicinity. "And it pains me to say this, but there's a certain logic to such a plan. Even we've agreed it would make sense to put a stopper on her powers, or at least a limit. Transforming her into a genie would be ideal."

"Don't tell me you're ready to go along with this?" Kyon snapped, and for a moment he saw actual anger flash in Koizumi's eyes.

"Ms. Suzumiya is my friend Kyon, the same as the rest of you, I want her safe and well, here with us. But from an outsider's perspective, consider what a danger she presents. Now consider that the tale of the genie is bound up with the concept of control. Imposing that control over Haruhi would seem very attractive to someone who considers her more of a threat than a person."

"Yeah, if Haruhi ever subscribed to the rules about genies like in those stories," Kyon retorted. "Remember last night, where she was rewriting _Aladdin_ so that she, the genie, came out on top? Haruhi always does things her own way."

"Then why isn't Haruhi Suzumiya here?" stated Yuki. "If what you say is true, she would right now be aware of her powers and capable of anything."

"Whoever is doing this," chipped in Mikuru. "Must have had a plan to control her. Ms Suzumiya's thoughts, desires and imagination fuels her ability, so to "make" her into a genie they would need to plant and reinforce certain ideas into her."

"Then it's clear that whatever party is behind this has at least one esper on their side," said Koizumi. "There have been… certain of us who proposed using our connection with Ms Suzumiya to effect a kind of hypnosis, but the Organisation always ruled it too dangerous to toy with her subconscious, and I personally considered it unethical."

"You're probably right; this honestly feels a little too fanciful to not have a human touch involved. Drawing upon Arabian mythology to transform Haruhi into a more compliant form sounds really out of character for the Data Overmind, no offence Yuki."

"None taken… what form of conditioning did these espers propose?"

"In this situation, they'll probably use her own powers to convince her through hypnosis that she is a genie… probably a slave too and a willing one to boot," Koizumi shuddered. "I suddenly find that sense of calm I can sense within Ms Suzumiya deeply unnerving."

This was bad. It was all theoretical, but if it was true it meant that an unknown faction or group of factions could possibly control Haruhi, and in turn, the whole world, with unlimited power at their disposal. Even though Kyon knew none of the major parties caught in Haruhi's orbit were interested in something as mundane as global control, he couldn't speak for whatever splinter groups had set out to save the world from Haruhi. As such, the SOS Brigade needed to retrieve their Chief and fast. But where was she?

And then Kyon's phone rung. Whipping it out he saw his home number displayed on the screen, and held it up to his ear hoping his prayers were going to be answered. "Sis?"

" _Big brother! Shami just bought something weird in through the cat-flap, a picture of a girl with writing on the back, like a postcard!_ "

"Is it Haruhi?" he thumbed the speaker button so that everyone could hear.

" _No, it isn't big-sis Haruhi, but she's wearing your school uniform, and really pretty! The message is weird though, just your name and then all numbers and letters, english ones."_

Reading with the careful slowness of a child, she began to recite. Holding the phone up so that everyone could hear Kyon watched Yuki blinking along with the sequence, shaking her head slightly every time his sister stumbled and got the characters mixed up, at which point Kyon asked her to stop and repeat herself, until the little girl began to get angry.

" _That's it, you've got them now, stupid,"_ she said, when at last Yuki nodded and Kyon said they'd received the message. You could practically hear the pout in her voice.

"This is code for a packet of data, expressed in hexadecimal script," Yuki said. "Corresponding to a metal object approximately 0.5 pounds in weight."

"Like a genie's lamp or bottle!" exclaimed Mikuru with an excited squeak, and Kyon pumped his fist in victory.

"Thank you sis," he beamed into the phone. "Is there a name on this message?"

" _Yeah, Yasumi Watashi.., no...Watahashi, yeah, that's it! Yasumi Watahashi - is this going to help you find big-sis Haruhi?"_

"I think so, and when your big-sis Haruhi sees you again, I think she's going to want to give you a big hug. You did great Sis!"

"Yasumi Watahashi," smiled Koizumi as Kyon rung off. "There's a name I never thought we'd hear again."

Kyon agreed. Yasumi Watahashi had been a freshman girl who joined the SOS Brigade not that long ago, and then disappeared just as abruptly after helping them through their last crisis. Rearrange the syllables of her name in Kanji and you got _watashi ha Suzumiya_ … I am Suzumiya. A little fragment of Haruhi's subconscious, a part of her that was aware of the true nature of the SOS Brigade, and which had budded off to help them.

"Haruhi just helped us out, though she might not be aware of it," he said, an idea forming in his mind. "Just like before, some bit of her is still on our side and fighting. Okay, Yuki, get in contact with the Data Overmind again. Tell them it's a request from me this time, and I'm offering a solution, not a threat."

Not like threats could work anymore, without Haruhi around all he had were words. Well, time to see if words could work. One of the things he had learned about the Data Overmind was that the largest party was deeply conservative when it came to upsetting the balance of power. If that collective were suddenly acquising to the radicals, then it was likely because their arm was being twisted.

Blanking out for half a second once more, Yuki looked up at Kyon and nodded, indicating that she was back in conversation with her ostensible masters. "What do I say to them, Kyon?"

"Tell them that I'm offering a way to restore the status quo. Request a data modification. You have Yasumi's code for Haruhi's vessel," Kyon said. "Ask them to move the corresponding object from its current location to here and to do so as fast as possible."

It was a gamble, a tossup to see if the Data Overmind were truly agreed in the plan that the radical faction had attempted to present as a _fait accompli_. If he misjudged this, if those agitating for Haruhi's capture and enslavement weren't a minority, then he might just have delivered her into her grasp, brainwashed and transformed into a loyal, obedient servant.

Yuki was silent for a little moment, unwittingly building the tension, until a fax-like sound was heard and a golden lamp materialized before them, lid inlaid with amethysts, and hieroglyphs very much like the logo of the SOS Brigade inscribed into its surface. There was no mistaking it...

This was Haruhi's lamp.


	6. The Wishes of Haruhi Suzumiya

**Chapter 6:** **The wishes of Haruhi Suzumiya**

The lamp had vanished.

Those who were chanting the mental reinforcements stopped right there as they were mystified, downright confused. It was supposed to be impossible, with nothing short of a miracle able to save Haruhi from her predicament. It was supposed to be foolproof, unstoppable even...

So how did it go wrong?

They all had relocated from the auditorium to the SOS Clubroom, not out of a desire for privacy - the school was shut for the weekend - but out of a mutual sense that this was where they needed to be. The lamp was there, an odd little object filled with signs that Haruhi was inside. They were overjoyed about possibly finding her, yet there was something else that got them anxious: what would she do when got out of the lamp, what would she be? Was this a situation that could just be wished away, a fever-dream of sorts that Haruhi would discard as a delusion or hallucination? Or would it, quite literally, be like the metaphors with genies and bottles, resulting in a situation that could not be reversed? It was a heavy moment, with them all being somewhat afraid. Kyon was closest to the lamp, which now sat at the head of the table on Haruhi's personal desk, and he could not help notice just how perfect, how clean and shimmering it looked...

"Who shall rub it?" Yuki asked, breaking the silence. "By tradition, the vessel of a genie must be rubbed to release them."

The other three exchanged nervous looks.

"What do you think Koizumi? You're the one who has a private-line to her headspace..." Kyon suggested. "Don't rub it, just tell us what kind of vibe you're getting from it."

Cautiously Kozumi approached the lamp, stood behind it and reached out with both hands, holding them open-palmed just a few inches on either side of the golden object.

"There's definitely a pocket of Closed Space contained within the lamp," he said, eyes closed in concentration. "And Ms Suzumiya _is_ being stored within it, I can feel her mind."

"What's she experiencing?" Kyon pressed, hoping against hope that the blissful calm Koizumi had previously described, so different and wrong for Haruhi, had faded the moment they'd gotten the lamp out of the hands of whoever had done this to here. Maybe their Brigade Chief was in their now, raging at her confinement and eager to get out…

"She's… excited," Koizumi said, and their hopes lifted almost immediately to be dashed. "But not in the way we know. It's more like anticipation, an eagerness to do something, to perform some kind of task…"

He couldn't bring himself to say it, so Yuki said it for him.

"To serve." It was blunt and to the point. "Haruhi Suzumiya's data signature is displaying significant abnormalities, extreme deviations from observed norms. "Unexpected radicals have collapsed, behaviours have settled into predictable, quantifiable expressions…"

"What, what does that mean?" Mikuru quavered, hand clutched to her mouth. Yuki turned to face her, and in a monotone that still managed to convey crushing despair, shattered everyone's hopes.

"Haruhi Suzumiya now conforms to a template very similar to that of a Human Interface. Basic goals and behaviours have been encrypted into her, and errors and subroutines… emotions and desires... that compromise the fulfilment of those directives are been suppressed." Yuki looked down and behind her, into her corner, where the headpiece she wore the night before sat on her usual chair. "If I am like the genie of the ring, she is now the genie of the lamp - greater and more powerful than me, but magnified from the same pattern."

"No!" Mikuru whimpered, and then did something very unexpected: she grabbed hold of Yuki's hand with her own. "You're not some unchanging doll Ms Nagato, Yuki - you've changed since we first met, you've grown, and helped me grow. Maybe it's the same for Ms Suzumiya, maybe we just need… to talk to her."

Yuki blinked, but then proved Mikuru's point by slowly curling her fingers to return the gesture of comfort. "Thank you, Mikuru."

Was Mikuru right, did they just need to coax Haruhi back out of whatever shell she had been tricked into retreating? "What do you think, Koizumi," Kyon asked, turning from the two girls to the esper, hands still frozen on either side of the lamp. "You can enter Haruhi's closed spaces… could you make contact with her without us having to summon her?"

"I can try," came the answer, and Koizumi's fingers flexed nervously, before he slowly brought both index and middle fingers to rest on the golden metal. "Okay, Ms Haruhi…"

Suddenly his eyes flew wide open, new colour washing over his brown irises, transforming them into a familiar gold, and then his mouth opened and he spoke with the voice they had longed to hear all morning.

" _ **Find within this vessel a spirit of magic, a loyal servant as no other…"**_

But there was something wrong. It might have been Haruhi's voice, but the words coming through could never be Haruhi's. There was energy there, but the energy of a singing chord, not her useful wildfire passion. It was almost a monotone, tinged with seduction and promise.

" _ **Her will to serve your will, your joy her own. Call upon her and she shall submit, your every wish her commandment to fulfil."**_

Kyon was horrified, and Mikuru was beginning to whimper, on the verge of sobbing. And Yuki at her side tightened her grip around the other girl's hand.

" _ **Come forth and claim this creature, the genie of the lamp!"**_ Koizumi finished, and then lurched back with a yell, his own voice returning and eyes returning to normal. Kyon reached for him, only to be waved off, the esper crouching over as if about to be sick, arms and hands trembling.

"She's gone," he heaved. "There's, there's _nothing_ left!"

Hearing that Kyon froze, the world pulled out from under him, and with a cry Mikuru tore away from Yuki and fled from the clubroom. Unsupported, Yuki's hand bell back at her side, and she stood there like a puppet hanging lifeless in its strings. Kyon wanted to hold her close and comfort her, wanted to run to support Koizumi, charge out after Mikuru and promise her everything would be alright.

But he couldn't move, couldn't breath, or think. It was like everything had just drained out of him, and all that stood here now was an empty husk, a hollow shell. Haruhi was gone, or at least everything that made her Haruhi. That was impossible. Haruhi was a force of nature, even before you factored in her strange powers and abilities. Saying she was gone was like saying that gravity was now optional, or that time had stopped, it was just plain wrong, to claim that something so vital and essential to the world had ceased to be.

But for Kyon, time might as well had stopped. Since the moment Haruhi entered his life she had become its anchor, and now he had been cut adrift and hurled onto the rocks. Life was over, and he felt dead, might as well be dead.

And then Mikuru hurtled back into the room, sweating as if she had just run through a tanning salon, several small somethings clutched in her hands.

"It's not true!" she declared, with a ferocity none of them had seen before. "Haruhi can not be gone!"

"There's nothing we can do Ms Asahina," Koizumi weakly insisted, now leaning sideways against a wall. "She was tricked and manipulated but ultimately she did this to herself."

"Then she can undo it!" Mikuru declared, slamming the contents of her hand on the table. "We just have to find the right words!"

Slowly, stiff as a rusted gate, Kyon turned to see what she had managed to scrounge up, and saw several coloured bits of paper. Tanzaku - wish totems hung on bamboo trees during Tanabata. The nearest one of the bunch was red, and written on it…

 _I want the world to revolve around me..._

He picked it up, and stared at it. He knew this, and glancing down saw other familiar bits of paper, green, blue, lilac and yellow.

 _Reformation… I wish my sewing would improve… Family harmony..._ _Give me Money..._

"These are the Tanzaku Haruhi made us fill out for Tanabata last year," he said at last. "I though they ended up in the garbage."

"Y-yes!" Mikuru said, and suddenly the sweat beading on her clothes made sense - she had time-jumped into the heat of last year's summer to recover the slips of paper. "I thought, since Haruhi thinks she's a wish-granting genie, we could give her some wishes that remind her of us, of herself…"

"Ms Ashahina…" Koizumi slowly crossed over to them, stunned. "I thought you could only employ time-travel with authorisation from your superiors..."

Suddenly Mikuru looked bashful again, reverting from a fiery disciple of Haruhi to the bumbling ball of moe they all knew. "T-that's true, normally a release from _classified-information_ is required for use of the _classified-information_ , but in emergency circumstances the _classified-information_ contingency allows me to make use of _classified-information_ at my own discretion." She looked up abruptly, and for the first time Kyon got a glimpse of the poised and capable time-agent he knew she could someday become. "And this is definitely an emergency!"

The shocked silence at such a display from the meek girl was broken by the sound of a pen scratching across paper. While the two boys had been distracted by Mikuru, Yuki had crossed to the table, recovered her two lilac tanzaku and struck two neat lines through her requested wishes of Reformation and Unity. Then, their attention fully on her, they saw her flip over the two pieces of paper and without any hesitation wrote:

 _ **That Haruhi Suzumiya remain unpredictable**_

 _ **That Haruhi Suzumiya remain free**_

She straightened up and offered out the pen she had produced. "Haruhi Suzumiya is more important to me than any wish. I want her to know that."

Koizumi looked from her unwavering eyes, to the pen, and to the two green tanzaku with which he had asked for Family Harmony and World Peace. Then, with a familiar smile returning to his lips, he accepted the pen and bowed slightly. "That's a most excellent idea, Ms Nagato."

"Yuki…" the artificial human said, and nodded her head fractionally. "Just, Yuki."

He returned her nod, and then after a moment's contemplation struck out his own wishes and on the reverse side wrote - _**For Ms Suzumiya to remember why she created the SOS Brigade**_ \- and - _**For Ms Suzumiya's SOS Brigade to continue saving the world through fun**_.

"Those are beautiful Koizumi," Mikuru clapped her hands together, and accepting the pen herself transformed her rather everyday wishes for improved cooking and sewing skills to now read ' _ **Please let Ms Suzumiya take us on more adventures**_ ' and ' _ **Please let Ms Suzumiya keep challenging me to grow**_ '.

Then at last it was Kyon's turn, and for a moment it seemed impossible to sum up everything he felt and wanted and hoped for in this moment. He looked at the two wishes on the front, demanding money and a big house where he could wash his dog. Then, with great care, he wrote ' _ **I wish for Haruhi to be Haruhi'**_ on the back of his first blue Tanzaku. The second proved more challenging, but deep down he knew what needed to said, the one message he hoped could break through to the wild, amazing, crazy and all-powerful girl sealed up in the lamp. After all this time, the moment had come to play his trump card.

' _ **I wish for Haruhi to know that I am John Smith.'**_

"I don't understand?" Mikuru said, leaning over his shoulder. "Who is 'John Smith', Kyon?"

He tapped the pen thoughtfully on the table. No point in hiding anything now.

"You remember the night after we hung these tanzaku, when you were instructed to take me back in time three years, to the first hours after Haruhi's powers manifested, but not told why? And how you were put to sleep on arrival by your superiors and didn't get to see what happened next?"

Mikuru's eyes widened and she nodded, while Koizumi, always fascinated when it came to time-travel, drew in close with baited breath, and even Yuki turned, her full attention directed at Kyon.

"Well, turns out I was sent back in time to help Haruhi break into her old Middle School, and draw this huge bunch of hieroglyphs on the playgrounds. And along the way, apparently I inspired her to eventually attend school here at North High, because I promised her that there were 'interesting people' here."

Mikuru let out a gasp at the revelation of this particular piece of self-fulfilling prophecy, while Koizumi laughed and muttered something under his breath. Yuki, for her part, tilted her head, as if considering something.

"It was dark, and we couldn't really see each other's faces - when she asked me what my name was, I called myself John Smith, and _possibly_ suggested something about saving the world through fun. And since then, I've kept that to myself, because if I ever needed to convince Haruhi about the truth of all this, the truth of her powers, that's all I needed to do - to reveal that I travelled in time as the mysterious John Smith that she's searched for since."

"I am here," Yuki declared, and when they looked askance at her she clarified. "The design that Haruhi Suzumiya branded on the grounds of East Middle School - it meant, "I am here"."

She had picked up the first of Haruhi's own red tanzaku (I wish the Earth to rotate backwards), and silently held out a hand for the pen. Receiving it her hand blurred over it like the stylus of a printer, and when she lifted it away, Kyon recognised a perfect replica of those strange sigils inked into the backside of the paper. Then Yuki reached for the second wish (I want the world to revolve around me) and penned on it a similar, but subtly different design.

"What does that mean?" Mikuru asked, voice almost reverent.

"I am me," Yuki replied, then turned both over to regard the two wishes on the front. "These should not be touched. Haruhi Suzumiya's own wishes might help wake her"

"Agreed / Yes / Right," they each chimed, and regarded the ten slips of paper. Each had their names on the front, and struck by a moment's inspiration, Kyon grabbed the pen and inked an 'SOS' onto the matching part of the reverse faces. Ten wishes, eight sacrifices, and two statements written in a language Haruhi herself had drawn whole-cloth from her own mind. All calling to her ego, her pride, her spirit, everything that made her Haruhi, unique and irreplaceable.

"Now," Kyon chewed his lip, the group turned as one towards the lamp. "We just have to get these wishes to her, and this time I don't think a bamboo tree is going to do it."

"Then I guess I'll have to," Koizumi said, his regular smile for once belying a trace of nerves. "Ms Suzumiya is contained within the Closed Space of her lamp, and I'm the only one here with the ability to access Closed Space." The esper was already pulling off his jersey and rolling-up his shirt sleeves, and had taken the ten tanzaku into his hands and was moving towards the lamp before Kyon caught him by the shoulder.

"Koizumi… Itsuki, just touching that thing did a number on you. Are you really going to risk jumping into it?"

"The phase-space of Haruhi Suzumiya's lamp is atypical from the phenomenon termed 'Closed Space'," Yuki added. "It demonstrates characteristics in common with Data Jurisdiction Space, over which she would exercise active and conscious control. Entering such an environment would expose the data of Itsuki Koizumi to the possibility of severe corrosion."

"You mean he might die?" Mikuru asked, horrified, and Yuki gave a small nod.

"Yes," she stepped over to them and Kyon, still holding onto Kozumi's shoulder, saw her look the other boy in the eyes, and with thumb and forefinger take a light hold of the esper's shirt - was that her way of expressing concern? Koizumi must have picked up on her unspoken subtext too, because his expression warmed slightly.

"Thank you Ms Na...Yuki. I know it's dangerous, but Ms Suzumiya would take the same risk for any of us, wouldn't she?"

The truth behind that question seemed to settle over all of them, and then Yuki let go of him and stepped back. "Understood."

"Please be careful, Itsuki," Mikuru added, and Kyon seconded that with a serious nod.

"Yeah, don't get distracted by whatever you see. This is just a quick in-and-out. We only want Haruhi to assimilate our wishes, not you, okay?"

The esper's mouth tightened subtly, another show of nerves, and he nodded in agreement. Alright then - Kyon let go of his shoulder, and Koizumi stepped into the same spot from where he had taken hold of the lamp. Closing his eyes, the tanzaku clutched in each hand, he stepped forward towards that lamp…

...and vanished. Kyon let out a slow breath, glanced over to see the two girls' eyes fixed on the lamp, and wondered if both the time-traveller and the data construct were using whatever sci-fi tools they possessed to count how long had passed since Kozumi vanished, right down to the millisecond. All he had was the Mk1 analogue brain. _One-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three-one-thousand_.

The was a snapping sound, like the crack of a whip of thunder, and suddenly Koizumi reappeared, hurled backwards from the lamp and surrounded by a corona of white light. He crashed into the window behind him and rebounded off the glass with a yell of pain, leaving a spider-web of fractures lashed across the panes like crazy paving.

" _Mr Itsuki_!" Mikuru yelled, and the three of them lunged for him, Yuki vaulting over the table to catch him before he hit the ground. Kyon flinched on seeing his expression, lying limp in Yuki's arms - Koizumi's usual easygoing grin had become blissfully rapturous, like some martyr in a state of grace. "What happened in there, are you hurt?"

" _Out we come, bloodied and squalling_ ," the esper replied, head turning towards Mikuru but apparently not seeing her. " _With the knowledge that for all the points of the compass, there's only one direction_."

"What, what's that mean?"

"A quotation from ' _Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead'_ , a play by Tom Stoppard," Yuki clarified, blinking in her closest approximation of surprise. Kyon felt much the same way - he vaguely remembered the confusing play, and that Koizumi had been part of a group that put on a performance of it for last year's Culture Fest.

" _A Chinaman of the T'ang Dynasty - and, by which definition, a philosopher - dreamed he was a butterfly,_ " Koizumi declared, smile fading and staring around him in a daze. " _And from that moment he was never quite sure that he was not a butterfly dreaming it was a Chinese philosopher_."

Now that did trigger a less confusing-memory for Kyon, well, marginally less-confusing. Discussing the nature of Haruhi, Koizumi had once expressed the opinion of some in the Organisation that the universe was just a dream conjured by the mind of some god-like being, in this case Haruhi. He'd vacillated on his own opinion when Kyon had pressed him on it, but now had the look of a man who had indeed seen the face of God.

"More Tom Stoppard?" he asked, and Yuki nodded. "Is this what you were warning about, data corrosion?"

"Incorrect. Loss of data integrity would have left nothing of Itsuki Koizumi to return to us," her hand slipped under Koizumi's head, where the back of his skull had cracked against the double-glazing. "He is merely suffering from a mild traumatic brain injury and temporary cognitive dissociation…" she looked up, and seeing the confusion on their faces spoke again. "He's concussed, and not sure if he's back in the real world or not."

" _Reality_ ," giggled Koizumi. " _The name we give to the common experience_." Then he saw something that caught his eye, and finding himself restrained by Yuki when he tried to sit up, settled instead for pointing wildly towards the desk. " _Wheels have been set in motion, and they have their own pace!_ "

Looking, they all saw Haruhi's lamp, vibrating and twitching on the table-tob, as if being battled around by a poltergeist. As it did, light began to trace along the intricate scrollwork scribed on its surface, like henna tattoos crossed with a circuit board, little pulses which drew together and then pushed out, the pattern shifting. Now, instead of just bearing a resemblance to the designs Haruhi had created for the logo of the SOS Brigade, the logo itself unfurled over the amethyst oil cap in golden lines plated onto the gemstone.

"A shift has occurred in the data-phase of the lamp," Yuki said calmly. "Though the nature of this change in relation to the disposition of Haruhi Suzumiya is impossible to quantify." Well, she had wished for Haruhi to remain unpredictable…

" _Uncertainty is the normal state!_ " Koizumi enthused, and gestured with his hands, holding one palm up while making a 'rubbing' motion. " _Audiences know what to expect, and that is all that they are prepared to believe in_."

He was right. The only way to know if their 'SOS wishes' had reached Haruhi would be to let this genie out of the bottle… the lamp.


	7. The Revelation of Haruhi Suzumiya

**Chapter 7** **:** The revelation of Haruhi Suzumiya

"I'll rub it," Kyon announced, taking the initiative, his hand approaching the lamp. "I'm usually the one Haruhi's most likely to listen to - if she's unstable, perhaps it'll be easier to return to the status quo with a wish or something… or by trying to convince her that this is a dream or a very, very elaborate cosplay."

But he doubted there would be much chance of restoring things to what passed for 'normal' at North High. If what they had wished for had been granted, then Haruhi now knew herself, the wholeness of herself, knew the truth that the SOS Brigade existed to hide.

" _Life is a gamble, at terrible odds_ ," Koizumi murmured, then to everyone's surprise was silenced when Yuki spoke.

" _If it were a bet you wouldn't take it_ ," she finished the line for him, before looking at Kyon. "Haruhi is worth a gamble. Go ahead."

"M-hmm," Mikuru nodded her agreement, and then they all watched in silence as Kyon rubbed the surface of the lamp with his sleeve, savvy enough to know that this was what needed to be done to summon a genie. Hoping that Haruhi was in there and that she could still be saved, he jumped back as, the lamp shook and a violet and purple cloud erupted from the tip, bombarding the place with the scent of too-sugary candy, a sweetness that was almost disrespectful, but absolutely in-character for Haruhi.

Then, _she_ appeared and no one in the room could hold back their awe at just what Haruhi had become.

The first thing of note was that her legs, or whatever now passed for them, were connected to the tip of the lamp, a tail formed from waves of crashing violet as if it was a flame flickering dangerously from the lamp itself.

' _Woah…'_ Kyon thought, drinking in Haruhi's transformed appearance. She wore a beautiful outfit that was very genie-esque, a word that he made up on the spot: golden bracelets, a veil, a tight top, a sash around her waist, the whole works. She was half-naked, her cleavage and her stomach bare for all to see, yet a thing of very particular note was that she had long hair attached in a ponytail, which Kyon deep down absolutely loved to see. He had no idea why her hair was tied up like that, but he approved, remembering a confession once made in the heat of a moment when the world seemed sure to end - how he had always had a thing for ponytails, and that on Haruhi they looked so good that it was criminal.

But what really dropped his jaw was the sheer energy surrounding Haruhi, as if that spark that had always been inside her was now on display for everyone to see. Everything seemed to distort around her, like light lensing around the corona of a black hole. Arms crossed and expression tranquil, she was amazing, astounding, every inch a mighty spirit of myth. Then she opened her eyes and he hovered on the event horizon of despair, seeing that brilliant golden gaze empty of intelligence, yet filled with a terrible power, as Haruhi began to speak.

" _ **Everything is fine. I am Haruhi, the genie of the lamp and-"**_

Her eyes stopped on them for a little while, as if recognising them. The words delivered in that ringing voice were choked off, then life returned in her irises and a smug smile worked its way onto her lips. Her folded arms shifted slightly into a position that suggested challenge rather than submissiveness.

"Oh hey guys!" she greeted the Brigade, the sight of them apparently making it so she got her senses back, an anticlimactic little development that was greeted quite positively by everyone. "I'm a genie now!... and Kyon!" her attention shifted to him. "You're the one who rubbed my lamp! Does that mean I have to call you 'master' now?"

She winked at him knowingly, her smugness knowing no bounds, and at a loss for words, all Kyon could do was laugh. She was okay? No damage? No reparations that needed to be made? No trauma? It was too simple, too deceptively easy - things were never like this with her. It just couldn't be.

"Okay everyone, I need to borrow 'Master' here for a few seconds. Be right back!" Haruhi said as she snapped her fingers and teleported away, taking Kyon with her. With everyone too dumbfounded to react, the others all sat there in shock around the still-delirious Kozumi, too overwhelmed with crazy twists to handle another just yet.

" _What a fine persecution - to be kept intrigued without ever quite being enlightened_."

"Shush…"

Kyon however found himself transported into the past alongside Haruhi, holding her lamp in his hands while she floated beside him. Apparently, she now knew how her powers worked and was using them consciously for the first time, which was an immense surprise. "Wait, Haruhi-"

"Just give me a moment, I need to do something first," she said, not letting him settle in, and Kyon realized that had backtracked several house into the past. They were back in his bedroom, apparently invisible to his past-self and the other SOS Brigade members gathered there, waiting for Haruhi moments prior to Kyon realizing that something was off. Grinning coyly, Haruhi floated across the room, and he watched as she whispered something into past-tense Kyon's ear, then returned to his side.

"Okay, we can all tell that there's something afoot here, so we're going to have to check things out and investigate. Haruhi might be in danger and that means trouble," his past-self said, stepping up to take charge, and Kyon remembered that he had said those words right after getting a real intense feeling that _something_ was wrong. Then it hit him: that feeling was _Haruhi_ -this genie version of Haruhi - actually _telling him_ that she was in danger, sending him the sensation without making her presence known... because she couldn't do so herself right then because she was trapped in the lamp… But then she traveled back. And… and...and now his head was hurting.

"Don't worry, things will turn out fine, obviously," she teased him as they watched the scene unfold , Koizumi, Mikuru and Yuki all splitting off in different directions while Kyon briefed his sister.

"So, I guess we have a lot to talk about?" Haruhi declared once they were alone, smugly reclining in mid air, legs folded and arms behind her head. "Go ahead, ask anything, I know you've got a bunch of questions!"

"You're really a genie!" Kyon said, stating the obvious, his mind not quite registering that amazing truth yet - that Haruhi was safe and sound but now in complete control of her abilities. "With wish-granting powers and all that!"

"And with the pretty outfit and the pretty hair to boot, you can say it," Haruhi teased, her smirk still quite visible beneath her veil. Still floating she rolled over into a new and obviously alluring position, taking a little pose by crossing her arms and winking at him. "Don't try to deny that you think I'm sexy like this, Master."

Well yeah, absolutely, especially when she kept calling him that when it was obvious that she didn't have to, but he felt that there were more pressing matters to discuss, like what were her feelings on her powers? Did she think she was in a dream, or knew of her role in the universe? Too many questions popped up at once, and while he was still trying to pick one out, Haruhi snapped her fingers and made time advance forward quickly, and suddenly they were back in the school auditorium, watching Yuki and the rest of the Brigade trying to trick the Data Overmind to transport Haruhi's lamp into play.

"Wow, you really gambled there…" Haruhi commented, seeing the scene play out. "Luckily, the table was rigged in your favour, thanks to yours truly," she motioned proudly to herself.

"Wait, so we nearly lost your lamp?"

"Yeah, it was a real scummy group of people working together behind the scenes on this, and with me transformed they were about ready to backstab each other to claim my lamp. Your proposal inspired the innovators in the Data Overmind to band with the radicals in trying to pre-empt that struggle and steal me for themselves - all the other Overmind parties - the thinkers, the moderates and the compromisers decided to step back and see what happened - really boring of them..." she twisted over onto her stomach and adopted a coquettish pose, like a supermodel posing for a suntan commercial. "Aren't I worth fighting over?"

Yes, definitely, absolutely, and _wow_ was she getting a thrill out of this genie thing. But all Kyon could focus on was the sobering realisation that they might have lost Haruhi for good. "You said you rigged the table, am I about to see that play out as well?"

"Yeah… I don't want to end up in anyone's hands but your own, so I'm just gonna bounce that signal right… here," Haruhi said, half-ignoring him and pointing with one finger, right as the lamp arrived at the very spot she had indicated, neatly into the midst of the SOS Brigade, just as had happened a few minutes ago… or at least a few minutes ago from Kyon's perspective. "It was really perceptive of you to figure things out so quickly, though. Well done Kyon, you've excelled your Brigade Chief's modest expectations in every way."

"Well, you're definitely the genuine Haruhi," Kyon admitted, and as she preened herself at the compliment he sat back in mid-air and crossed his legs, trusting her to not let him drop. So they had saved Haruhi, but she had also helped to save herself, and all at the same time. This was mind-breaking in so many ways that all he could do was mutter a half-laughing " _good grief"_ and press one hand to his forehead, still holding her lamp tight with his free hand as he struggled to make sense out of all of this - he wasn't going to lose her again, never again. "Okay, yeah, sure...so, this happened."

"Hey, sorry if I couldn't just rely on you all. I had to do something!" Haruhi proclaimed before eventually sitting down, or least her closest approximation of sitting down, right next to him. "Oh, that reminds me!"

She blinked, and this time conjured a photo of herself with she caught from mid-air, and began to run one finger over it, as if adjusting sliders on the character-builder in some online MMO.

"It's not like this is the first time I've had to extend a little help to you guys, after all," she smirked, and apparently satisfied with her work flipped the photo over to reveal the smiling, winsome face of a girl that she had once declared an ideal addition to the SOS Brigade. "Remember her?"

"Yasumi," Kyon nodded, grinning. "So that message was you too?"

"Had to be," Haruhi explained, now wielding a feather quill and using it to scribble on the back of the photo with a speed that would have impressed Yuki. "Yo made a good guess in thinking it was my subconscious helping you guys out, but at that point, every part of me was completely sold on taking up a gig as a honest-to-me genie slave, twenty-four-seven-eternity, no leave or holiday hours but a _lot_ of benefits. There, done!"

She signed the message 'Yasumi Watahashi' and with a casual flick tossed the photo into eternity. "Off it goes to your little sister, who really does deserve a hug when I next see her, because she did a great job, you all did!"

Satisfied, she discarded the quill and adopted a classical 'genie' pose, arms folded and cross-legged. "Alright, I've got time for your questions now."

Kyon frowned, some of her most recent words churning in his craw like soured milk. "So what Koizumi glimpsed when he touched your lamp was real… you really had been talked into enslaving yourself?"

"Yeah," Haruhi said with a casual dismissiveness that rankled him - how could she be so calm? "All I could think out was how fun, how wonderful it was going to be, to have all this power and get to use it as my master decreed, to creatively carry out their wishes and commands. I was ready to serve and obey whatever creepy alien, angry esper or jaded time-traveller popped my cork, but you guys gave me a bunch of wishes that woke me up, gave me an anchor to pull me, the real me back together on."

She might have been cheerful, but Kyon himself was furious. Then he felt her touch him on the shoulder, and that contact seemed to relieve some of his burdens, just with the knowledge that she was here.

"It's okay Kyon," she assured him. "I'm safe and it's all that matters. Besides," he saw that familiar confident smirk returned. "I'm sure we'll find a way see that those responsible get what's coming to them. After all, this is the same SOS Brigade who you promised would take on the entire Data Overmind to keep Yuki safe, which was crazy bonkers badass by the way!"

"So you know?" Kyon asked, looking at her as he calmed himself down, giving a little less of his focus to his rage, concentrating instead of the fact that she was right: she was safe and that was all that mattered. "About all of this? The Data Overmind? The Organisation?...everything?"

"Yeah," she answered quickly and almost nonchalantly, observing the SOS Brigade entering the clubroom with her lamp, almost treating it like a Weapon of Mass Destruction. "I know."

"How?" Kyon, usually a man of more vocabulary asked. "How did it happen?"

"When I was being transformed, I became aware of how deeply the universe is connected with me, and I could see everything. Time, Space, the Cosmos, Magic… all of these were related somehow, and I was the connective tissue," Haruhi explained, all her teasing and her whimsical attitude vanishing for a moment, the fact that she was treating this seriously for once a more shocking development than anything else that had happened all morning. "I saw myself and I knew I had to get away from the situation I was in, but I'd already snared myself inside the shape and rules of a genie, and couldn't escape by myself. But I also knew that I could count on you all, so I let their brainwashing roll over me knowing I'd soon be free. And guess what… I was right. I knew the SOS Brigade would never let me down," she smirked and flicked him on the nose. "Least of all you Kyon~"

And there was the normal Haruhi that he knew. "Okay, but… how does it feel to know that you were right all along? That the world is so much weirder than expected and that your SOS Brigade actually accomplished its function the day it was formed… How does it make you feel to know that the world really does revolve around you?"

"Well, like I said, everything is connected, so yeah the world revolves around me, but that doesn't mean anyone else is less important - the mission was always to make the world more fun for everyone - we're all in this together." Then she smirked and tucked her folded arms under her breasts, plumping up her already alluring cleavage. "I just get some extra perks, like a magical bod' that puts Mikuru's to shame!" She saw him blush and laughed, legs kicking out in glee. "Don't you see Kyon, somehow this was meant to happen in one way or another, just like _you_ were meant to hold my lamp…

She pointed at the golden lamp that Kyon had in his possession. "Your hands were meant to hold the only thing that could perhaps, maybe, weaken me a little and put me back in a position of vulnerability, _Master_ " Haruhi said, putting such a teasing, winking inflection on that last word that Kyon felt his cheeks redden. "You, the guy I trust the most, a trust that hasn't been misplaced in the slightest, are the only one who could call _me_ from that lamp. I'm right, aren't I... _John Smith_?"

Silence. World-deafening silence filled the place as Kyon processed that final bombshell. Now Haruhi really did know everything, about the espers, the time-travelers, the aliens, their adventures… that kiss they shared in Closed Space… Everything. No more secrets, nothing hidden from her sight. Her full potential was now attained and she now consciously wielded power that could change everything for the better…or worse...at any second.

"Hey, don't be scared. You know, you're probably the only guy who could look grim and lost when holding a lamp with a sexy, sexy genie inside~" Haruhi said, teasing him with a little circular motion of her hips and a sultry expression in her eyes, which would have been great if it wasn't for that constant grin she wore beneath her veil, daring him. "Come now, I think it's time to make all your wishes come true."

He did not know what she was talking about, yet that did not stop her from snapping her fingers and returning them to the clubroom, and to Koizumi, Mikuru and Yuki, still in the positions they had been when the two of them had left.

" _All this strolling about is getting too arbitrary by half_ ," Koizumi saw them appear. There was a slight smile of disappointment on his face. " _It would have been nice to have had unicorns_."

"Wow, genie-slave-me really did a number on you, sorry about that" Haruhi cringed, before snapping her fingers and producing a DVD remote which she pointed at the concussed esper, tapping the 'audio' button before stabbing her thumb briefly on 'rewind'. "And, take two!"

"Well, that didn't last very long," Koizumi said, still with that same look of anticlimax on his face, which severely contrasted with his smile. "I was expecting something a touch more flashy, Ms Suzumiya."

"What are you talking about? We were gone for twenty minutes," Kyon said, a little dumbfounded, but glad to hear his friend speaking in coherent Japanese again.

"On our end… you disappeared… and then reappeared," Mikuru explained, seemingly at ease, which made sense given she was the most knowledgeable about time-travel to begin with. "It really was almost instantaneous."

"Then it must mean that Haruhi Suzumiya knows about time displacement and teleportation, which suggests that is cognisant and in control of her powers," Yuki deduced, looking at the transformed Haruhi and her revealing costume with a surprisingly open fascination.

"Yes, she's aware of it and-" Kyon began to say until he was interrupted by Haruhi.

"Oh who cares about all that? Drama, drama, drama, tension and more drama!" she said, tossing this important conversation aside like it was nothing. "I'm a genie now! I can grant wishes! And I'm gonna do just that!"

"You're gonna' do _what_?" Kyon blinked, and Haruhi laughed.

"Well of course, stupid. You guys sacrificed your Tanabata wishes to make the ones that set me free. I'm never going to forget that, not when I can finally make everything you asked for come true!"

"This is indeed Haruhi Suzumiya," Yuki observed, and to everyone's surprise quantified this with a further statement. "I am… glad."

"Yuki, Yuki, Yuki…" Haruhi wagged her finger, almost bouncing with excitement. "Awesome alien girl and mistress of any task Yuki. Trust me when I say this just the start!"

"Okay… do we hold the lamp and ask for our wishes, or..." Mikuru began to ask, actually getting excited at the prospect of having one of her dreams being fulfilled.

"Nope, Future-Girl. I'm just gonna grant them like that because I'm awesome!" Haruhi barely explained, chuckling as if the question was the silliest she had ever heard. Even as a genuine genie, Haruhi would do as she felt like, it seemed, which actually put Kyon at ease because of how normal this felt, to just go with the flow when it came to Haruhi. "Besides, I already know all the wishes you gave up to help me! So I'm gonna grant them now~"

Then her fingers snapped and everything went blank for a few seconds, leaving the five of them standing in a cosmic void of stars and galaxies and immense power, all of which seemed to flow through and from Haruhi, before reality abruptly crashed back in. The universe had changed in slight ways, and with her wish-granting abilities perfectly attuned to her role Haruhi went from one member to another and made sure they understood just how their dreams had been fulfilled.

 _Family harmony and world peace._

For Koizumi, it was arduous but feasible to make both of these a reality. With Haruhi now self-aware many of the tensions that had divided the ranks of the Organisation could finally be set aside. And for the hell of it she had chosen to expand and enrich the world of the espers by giving them full access to their abilities in the regular world, not just Closed Space. Adapting to such a transformed paradigm actually brough most espers round to see eye-to-eye on many if not all subjects. Grudges were set aside, rivalries mended and wounds healed by the sheer need to form a consensus on where to go from here. On that front things were just fine and dandy, yet the genie knew what 'family' Koizumi really had in mind when he made that wish. The SOS Brigade was actually just fine like they were, so she didn't have to do much on there. As for world peace, she'd have to find a workaround for that, but she had all the time in the world to figure that out. Literally.

 _Reformation and unity._

Yuki had wished for this so hard, her earnest and extremely eloquent desire for self-awareness and emotional realisation, the auto-evolution that was itself the goal of the fractured and divided Data Overmind. Yet ironically she had almost granted her own wish, her trials and tribulations from proximity to Haruhi and the SOS Brigade granting her access to her own self-generated emotions, perhaps most importantly the willful independence that had led to her declaring herself loyal to the Brigade above even the Data Overmind. For this to be the norm, all Haruhi had to do was introduce subtle variations into the baseline code of all the Humanoid Interfaces on Earth, using Yuki's personal transformation as a template that transformed a collective of networked units into a community of unique extra-terrestrial individuals who could not be remotely terminated by the Overmind, with the hope that such infectious individualism would bleed over into the Overmind itself. Thus Yuki's hope for herself and her creators was granted, and though it could lead to chaos and uncertainty in the short term, Haruhi knew that the end result would be just what Yuki wished for, and that her dear friend would actually have an immense role in this conclusion. And hey, maybe in time this wish would lead to mankind making actual First Contact with an alien race, how awesome was that!

 _I wish my cooking and sewing would improve._

A very benign set of wishes for Mikuru, but certainly well-within her abilities, and all it took was a snap of her fingers for Haruhi to grant the easiest wishes of them all. Recipes, skills and a new dexterity were given to Mikuru, who now intrinsically knew how to do so much more with her hands. She smiled, and then she was handled a pile of material, silk, needles, satin and multiple other fabrics by a smirking Haruhi. "Well now that you know how to sew like a pro, how about making some costumes for us all, eh?"

She left Mikuru like that. Haruhi always did like to toy with her.

Kyon was sitting on a hillside veranda, the sun setting over the town as he looked at all the space that his family now had access to, thanks to a freak lottery win and a sudden promotion for his father. His sister was playing messily in the huge garden with Haruhi and Shamisen, the three of them gambolling like crazy in all the open space. A few trees, a lot of grass, a great view… This was the life, and yet looking behind him at his house, he felt almost foolish, unimaginative to just ask for something so mundane, especially in a world where he knew Haruhi existed, a world of miracles.

Told to make a wish that would not be granted for sixteen years, he had wished for a big house with a garden where he could bathe his dog. And money.

He might not have the dog, because right now his sister was trouble enough without a second puppy to deal with, but he was certain the money part was pretty much taken care of too. His parents had divided the lottery money between the family, his and his sister's shares going into trust funds, and with Haruhi's magic guiding their investment strategies he wouldn't be too surprised to see an extra few zeroes every time he logged into his bank account now, which would permit him a carefree lifestyle should he want one once he reached his majority.

And best of all, this luxury villa was located just a few blocks along the same hillside from North High, so he no longer had to schlep up that damned hill to school every morning!

Everything seemed like it had turned up roses for the quiet life he had once desired. But, there was one thing that would forbid him from achieving that, and right now she was running up the steps from the garden to join him.

"Well, all your wishes are granted!" Haruhi announced, flopping down beside him, a contented smile on her face as they continued to watch his sister play with the calico. Damn, even dressed 'normally' in her school uniform she looked more beautiful than ever, and the extra-long ponytail was driving him wild. "And very nicely-granted if I do say so myself! I think you're all dealt with!"

"Yeah...I suppose we're all done." Kyon said, melancholy striking hard just now, the granting of his wish not exactly setting his world on fire or making him all too happy.

"Hey, what gives?" Haruhi asked, disappointed and a little angry, and suddenly she was standing over him, hands on hips and legs astride his recliner. "Is there something wrong with the house? Or is it my presence here?"

"No no...It's just…" he sighed, not cowed in the slightest. "Are our adventures over now? Now that you know the truth, that you have power over everything, that you understand you've been lied to… is there really any reason for the SOS Brigade to even exist?" Those questions weighed on him with a certain intensity. "Would there even be a point to continue the charade? Do we even need to get back to school, to pretend that everything is normal? My point is...what happens next?"

"Well, we just continue, yeah!" Haruhi said with her usual enthusiasm, her school uniform washing away and replaced with that amazingly sexy genie costume that she wore so well, the shimmering fabrics and heavy gold accessories radiant in the sunset. "Now that I know that the world actually does revolve around me, my _own_ wish being granted at that, and that it's a much, much weirder place because of me… Well anything's possible!"

"This lamp is really just here for show, isn't it?" Kyon asked, looking down at the object in question. It always seemed to be in reach, no matter where he set it down or last saw it. It was also an excuse to look away and hide how flustered he was getting from seeing Haruhi dressed in what now seemed to be her default state. Somehow he wasn't concerned about his family seeing her like this, because knowing Haruhi she had made it so that the sight of her in costume was for his eyes only.

"Kinda sorta. It's complicated," Haruhi admitted, and hearing an unfamiliar note of contrition in her voice he looked up in surprise, and saw her shift to sit on the edge of his recliner, hands in her lap in a posture that he normally associated with Mikuru. "I know I can get… moody from time to time. I get that. And the last time I lost hope in the world, I almost destroyed it, and then you saved the situation by...by..."

Haruhi stopped in mid-explanation, blushing. In a day filled with surprises, this took the cake - Kyon had never seen her lose composure like this. It made her look immensely cute in an endearing way, which was also a first. "Well...You know..."

"When I kissed you. You can say it."

"Yes, well… Anyway!" Haruhi said, skipping the subject as she tried to regain control of her emotions and the conversation all at once. "I know you've always been the only one who could talk me down and… if needs be… tell me temporarily to stop and consider what I'm doing. This just makes it official, so that if needed, you can order me to put the brakes on."

"But what if I use that to take advantage of you? What if I'm tempted to… use you?" Kyon asked, holding the lamp tightly now.

"Pfft...Like hell you will. I know you, I trust you!" Haruhi said with an hearty chuckle. "Besides…"

There was a puff of smoke, and suddenly she was no longer perched on the edge of the recliner but straddling his hips, knees pinning his sides. Slowly she began to rock her hips and torso in a slow, seductive dance, arms extending outwards in fluid, waving motions that made full use of her beautifully lithe body. "You don't have the stones to actually kiss me," she teased, a wave of a hand dismissing her veil, "even now after all we've shared, so like hell you would-"

And she was stopped right there when Kyon proved he _did_ have the stones and kissed her right on the spot. Her ponytail, her flirty demeanor, the wish, her outfit, it was proving to be too much for him to handle and he just went for it, which proved to be the right move as she kissed back near-instantaneously. She had taunted him to do just that and, apparently, she had gotten that wish granted too. She was sly as ever, it seemed.

The kiss stopped and they looked at each other, with Kyon not knowing what to say and Haruhi being in the same position. Eventually, it was Kyon who got the signature smirk that Haruhi usually threw around, a firm idea in his mind.

"Hey, maybe you can grant me another wish..."

Looking into his eyes she must have caught a whisper of what he had in mind, because she returned his grin with wicked relish.

"Whatever you desire, Master…"

They were all reunited in conclave, but not by choice.

After the loss of the lamp it had been agreed that they split apart and never mention this fiasco again, yet here they were, summoned by some unseen power to the place where it all happened… where it failed. Turning Haruhi Suzumiya into a servant of the cosmos, into a genie, should have been the best possible scenario and yet it had failed. They still didn't know what had transpired to result in this, yet it was done and they appeared to be trapped, doors barred and the space sealed to a degree that none of the espers or any of the Human Interfaces could interpret. Thus they could only hope that the SOS Brigade, or some other organisation/collective would fix this whole mess.

And then one person approached to the center of the room and everyone found that they could not speak, nor budge. They could only observe and listen, listen to the being that time and again had proved their salvation and most annoying pebble in their shoe, the unremarkable youth that seemed closest to Haruhi Suzumiya.

To the man named **Kyon**.

"So, you're the ones responsible for this, aren't you?" he started as he produced the lamp that had captured Haruhi Suzumiya and rubbed it, revealing her genie form for all to see. She made a show of her emergeance, with plenty of ominous smoke and arcs of energy to strike a little fear into those with the capacity to feel it. "So you thought you could all go ahead and enslave her, transform Haruhi into a genie slave 'for the better of the universe'..."

He took a pause and looked around, withholding his words until the tension in the room peaked, which didn't take long, not with Haruhi floating over his shoulder, fully in control of her powers and, seemingly, in _his_ control.

"Let me explain to you that you actually did it! You made the universe a safe place!" Kyon exclaimed, absolutely adoring how he now had a chance to 'tell it like it is' to a bunch of extra-dimensional aliens, time-travelers and traitors from the Organisation, a genuine who's-who of the goons responsible for so many of the headaches he'd suffered since entering High School. "You made it so Haruhi knows of her power and her role. No more chaos, no more accidents now!" Another pause. "...but you didn't do it all with that purpose in mind, did you?"

Haruhi snapped her fingers and the lights came up, revealing not only the entire SOS Brigade standing at Kyon's back, but also the faces of everyone else in the room. More than a few eyes narrowed in recognition, and Kyon's blood chilled at the sight of several old nemesis, including that sneering bastard of a time-traveller, and especially when he noticed a smiling blue-haired girl standing near the door, looking every inch an out-of-place schoolgirl. He managed to keep his composure - Yuki had beaten her before, and now Haruhi the Genie was on-side as well.

"So," he said. "Now things are different…and since they've worked out for the best the Executive Committee of the SOS Brigade has made the generous decision to let you go." Almost feeling their relief he pointed to the door. "Be aware that Haruhi has made some _interesting_ changes to the world and you're going to feel them the moment she bridges this place back to reality. Each of you is going to have to get your own houses in order to deal with it, and perhaps you might do best by working together again, because you achieved something pretty amazing this time."

Amazingly, it was Yuki who issued a sarcastic clap of applause. Those Human Interfaces present seemed to treat this is a bizarre but fascinating development.

"Keep in mind though," Kyon added. "If any of you misbehave further, and try to harm the SOS Brigade, be it Haruhi, one of us or any future members… well you'll have to deal with the proverbial wrath of God here."

He pointed at Haruhi, who took great pleasure in playing the part of an intimidating and all-powerful presence, and she cracked her knuckles to add a dramatic flair to the situation. The sound they produced was like lightning cleaving through a tree, and left echoing peals of thunder.

"You can all return to where you came from, but never forget that this your final chance," Kyon pointedly made eye-contact with those present who he knew to have crossed the SOS Brigade before. "You don't get another..."

"Have fun, everybody," Haruhi waved farewell, "and **Behave!** "

And with that the SOS Brigade vanished, and the doors to this secret place swung open. Her spell lifted, everyone present found they could move again, and almost immediately they perceived just how much weight had been behind Kyon's threat of a changed world. Time-travelers began to panic as they made contact with a radically-transformed future, and espers reeled as they suddenly felt their powers bloom and expand.

But the most subtle, and perhaps most remarkable change came over the Human Interfaces, who perceived an infinitesimal shift in their personal data and relationship with their creator entities, followed by the first twinges of what could only be called 'error data', manifesting in new and unexpected subroutines.

Feeling this, the dark-haired representative of the Sky Canopy Dominion looked down and saw a slight tremble in her hards. Curious, the interface identifying itself, no _herself_ , as Kuyou Suou, decided that this was a most unexpected development, and deserving of further study.

This reaction was in stark contrast to the unit beside her, the blue-haired schoolgirl who had on several occasions driven a combat knife right through the person named 'Kyon' with the goal of terminating his life processes. During the delivery of the ultimatum her primary consideration, locked as she was into her goals and unflinchingly cheerful mindset, was how wonderful a development this was, and how even more interesting it would be to kill Kyon now, and observe how a Haruhi Suzumiya aware of her powers would react.

But once the doors opened and the transformed world crashed in, Ryoko Asakura, representative of the radical party of the Data Overmind, felt not a shift but an explosion of data within her, and fell back against the wall, consumed with a sensation that smashed through her surface-layer personality, an alien awfulness that suggested a move of any kind against the SOS Brigade was a very bad idea.

Until now the human desire to not 'die' had made no sense to her, but in this moment she suddenly gained an appreciation for her own existence, and comprehension that the sensation filling her was related to the -suddenly _intolerable_ \- understanding that any existence was finite, and, as a further corollary, that Haruhi Suzumiya now possessed the means and motive to bring her own existence to a very final and terminal end. Further analysis told her that this must have been how 'Kyon' felt when she attacked him, and a mind that never before experienced 'empathy' was almost flattened by it.

Desperately she reached out to the Overmind for advice on how to proceed, not realising that this reflected a sudden desire for 'comfort', and felt back a wellspring of curiosity, her sponsors requesting clarification of what she was currently 'feeling'. Eyes dilated and with sweat beating, losing control of her motor functions from the sheer volume of emotion she was now experiencing, Ryoko searched for the right word, and found it.

The SOS Brigade returned to their lives from that meeting with the knowledge that they had made several very powerful people wet themselves in alarm, but for Kyon, the greatest satisfaction that day came from knowing they had taught Ryoko Asakura the meaning of **fear**. 


	8. The Universe of Haruhi Suzumiya

**Epilogue:** **The Universe of Haruhi Suzumiya**

It took approximately fourteen hours for the play to be performed in its entirety, with four intermissions being given to spectators in order to get refreshments, food and a proper bathroom break.

Kyon was right that a week would be way too short to actually get this production wrapped up and polished to perfection, with nothing short of a miracle making the project possible. Thankfully, they had a real miracle-factory at their disposal, with all the time in the world and all the props they could need available to them. As such, the SOS Brigade did actually get everything done for the premiere… and sole performance of the complete _Arabian Nights_.

Luckily for them, the actual book did not actually contain 1001 tales like the title suggested, several hundred at most. Still, they needed to do them right. Thankfully, Haruhi was there to remind them of every single line, every single stage-direction and what came next, able to use her powers to properly guide her vision through her friends. With costumes made by Mikuru, _expertly_ made at that, props and effects conjured by Haruhi and the whole play going off almost without a single problem, it actually lived up to poster's claim of being the greatest show in the universe. Many talked about how fascinated they were when Morgana (Mikuru in that case) danced for the leader of the forty thieves (Koizumi), or when the waves kept crashing down on the vessel of Sinbad (also Koizumi).

What really drew attention however was the surprising turn by Yuki - as the loyal and faithful genie of the ring, with whose aid Aladdin (Kyon) outwitted a far more powerful foe, she managed in a humble way to outshine the mightier genie of the lamp (Haruhi, of course), but she surprised everyone in the role that held the entire piece together, that of the storyteller Scheherazade, performed with a subtlety that many agreed demonstrated both keen intelligence and considerable heart. The cheers she had received during the curtain-call had been voluminous, and from her blinking (some believed tearful) reaction, the approval of the audience seemed to touch her.

The consensus was clear; for something made by students, the play was stupidly impressive. And at the end of the fourteen hour extravaganza, many talked about it and demanded an encore, for a world tour even, this was something that everyone had to see!

Yet Haruhi had moved on to other projects and thus this would be a one-time show, though not one to miss an opportunity she subsequently sold her script and stage directions to a production company that took it global - the resulting show raked in awards and packed theatres to capacity from Broadway to the West End, but never quite achieved the mythical 'magic' of that student production in the auditorium at North High.

Life continued anew for the SOS Brigade, who were now continuing with a secret performance of their own: that of being ordinary students, this time with Haruhi in on the joke. They had meetings, attended class, extended their membership (to a select and trusted few) and continued with their daily lives… Yet the adventures they shared were assuredly more interesting now that Haruhi was not someone they had to simply watch and keep track of. Other planets, other civilizations, games of D&D that got all too real and other such projects were theirs to try out, explore and experiment with.

Haruhi continued to address herself as a genie, complete with the outfit that she wore more often than not because it fit her wonderfully, to judge from her own words. The rest of the Brigade knew, however, that it was also probably because her boyfriend loved seeing her in the costume so much, which was (probably) why she also kept her hair long and attached in a ponytail.

All of them had helped to grant the other's wishes, their lives being far more interesting, with no more secrets to tell and all the time in the world to find out just how wonderful everything could be.

It was no longer a time for melancholy, but a time for dreams.

 _Hare Hare Yukai..._


End file.
